The rat?
Given my chosen line of work, folk bring their unwell animals to me and I try my best to fix them, with varying degrees of success. I therefore have stacks of stories and anecdotes as my advancing years leave me with little else from a life of this type of work. Every now and then I'll let one out of the bag and this is just the occasion...

This goes back to the days when I worked in the "evil south", close to the large metropolis known as London. A female client, of early 20s, arrived for a consultation. it was summer and she was wearing a very low cut top. It was warm, so that bloody dates it doesn't it?

I called her (and her pet) into the consulting room. My only concern was that she was not holding any form of carrier. My usual trick is to read the notes and make sure I know what sort of pet I'm expecting before I go and collect them from the waiting area. In this case I was somewhat confounded. As an aside, where I work now, it can be darn hard to pick the Staffie you are looking for from the ranks sat waiting attention (if they aren't eating each other).

Anyhow, in she trotted and she was quite a good looking lass with a very impressive figure (you cant help to notice what is put in front of you. I asked her where the pet was and she then proceeded to stuff her hands up the front of her top and push this rat into the space between the boobs.

This was a somewhat tricky moment. I asked her to put the rat on the consulting room table and she (without a hesitation or any hint of irony), said "Surely you can examine .... right here?"

At this point I felt it was better to seek a bit of help. I called on a nurse and asked her to join me in the consulting room. This is something I have learned to do more, to protect myself from just this type of situation.

As the client was still insistent I examined the rat "in situ", I did so. Thankfully rats are generally very helpful patients and I have a lot of time for this rodent. examining the mass on its belly was fraught with "near miss" encounter with human skin. I won out in the end and even managed a full check for anaesthesia as well.

I must add that this client had other pets and was frequently seen sporting a lollipop which was usually sucked in what could only be described as a "suggestive" manner. I'm not sure that I would have been able to conclude the rat examination if the lollipop had been present as well.

length? well a rats tail is about 15cm (don't pick holes in that it was just an average sort of figure)
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Thu 6 May 2010, 22:31, 3 replies)

*hushed and wowed voice*
People are insane!
(TheWonderfulWombat It came to me in a dream., Thu 6 May 2010, 22:53, closed)

Then
I might have to relate the "other" breast related tale from the "office" - I think I just might...
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Fri 7 May 2010, 12:32, closed)

"get yer rat out"

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 7 May 2010, 3:07, closed)