Things not to say while receiving an ECG
I have an unfortunate tendancy to panic whenever a medical professional comes near me with a blood pressure cuff. It's completely illogical: "It's going to be high it's going to be high it's going to be high shit it's high". So the doctor decided this time around that to be sure it was white coat syndrome, I was going to have to trot off to the hospital to be groped by several men and then have a 24 hour blood pressure monitor. Oh, the joys.

One of the tests they do is an ECG. I was lucky/unfortunate (you decide!) enough to get a rather good looking young male nurse. He told me that I'd have to strip to my waist and that if I was uncomfortable with it he could go and get a female nurse. Now I'm not particularly bothered about this sort of thing as it's all a professional setting etc and after all, it is just another pair of breasts (albeit mine being the only 22 year old pair he probably got to see all week as it's mostly old people that have ECGs)so I assured him it was ok, stripped off and got on the bed. At this point, can anyone explain to me why they cover your naked boobs with a strip of tissue paper? He had to keep moving it and looking under it anyway! Seems silly to me. Anyway, as I have already pointed out this week, I have been blessed/cursed with a pair of 34Gs (again, you decide which!) and trying to put electrodes around those monsters is not the easiest thing in the world. (Seriously, breasts right over your heart? Lord, what were you thinking? Design fail!) He was talking to me about my degree so we were getting into a nice academic chat about chemistry as he was sticking electrodes on me. I was wearing leggings and boots and didn't realise they also need to get to your ankles. (Ankles? Wtf? I think at this point it's the NHS trying to make patients look as ridiculous as possible while maintaining "It's a medical procedure") So nice young good looking male nurse is forced to ask if he can undo my boots. Obviously I can't undo them because sitting up will mean dislodging the piece of tissue paper and that can't be allowed, despite the fact that he's had a good feel and look already. So as he unzipped my boots I exclaimed "Oh, it's not every day I get undressed by a strange man!"

*Tumbleweeds*

*Embarrassed silence*

*More tumbleweeds*

Then he laughed nervously. "Oh dear," I said, "I hope I'm not embarrassing you!" We got back onto chemistry very quickly after that.

So the moral of this story girls is:

"It's not every day I get undressed by a strange man" is not an acceptable chat up line. Thank goodness I have a boyfriend or I think I'd be destined to be single forever!

Length? About 2 metres of cable and it lasted about 2 minutes.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:02, 4 replies)

Trust me,
it's infinitely worse when little old ladies say it and cackle as they make you uncomfortable. Or, even worse than that, say 'Ooh, it's been a while since a nice young man did this.' I had to leave the bay at this point and get a colleague to take over such was the embarrasment.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:39, closed)

Thanks
I don't feel quite so bad now!
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 10 May 2010, 11:46, closed)

Had I spent less time fantasising about the lecturer and more time paying attention to what he was actually saying, I could explain the ankle thing. We did that during a practical and I cannot remember why.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:23, closed)

The attaching
of the electrodes to the ankles is done because a pulse is present in this vicinity, it can also be done on the top of the foot itself if one can't be found on the ankle, for example if a patient has cellulitis in that area or is overweight. The reason for the multitude of electrodes in the frist place is to determine where, if anywhere, a problem has developed in the heart (i.e. it's exact location on said organ - atria, ventricle electrical impulse nodes etc.). The thing with tissue paper is a bit new to me, might have been hospital/ward policy to preserve privacy and dignity as far as possible, but, as you point out, the electrodes are in such a poition that it makes this measure practially meaningless.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Tue 11 May 2010, 13:15, closed)