"Of course the cat wont mind,
it's a stray, it's been living off our old jonnies out the back for weeks anyway!"
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:50, Reply)

the amount of brandy I've put away
It'll taste like Baileys
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:50, Reply)

"But everyone knows that getting jizz on your tongue gives you spontaneous orgasms."

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:49, Reply)

we have been feeding a stray cat
a little while ago someone offered it a good home because we're all students and... we're hardly offering it a good home. but house mates 1 and 2 kicked up a fuss and refused to let it go. okay, says housemates 3 and 4 and 5, we'll keep it but you have to agree to pay for vet bills and find it somewhere to stay when everyone buggers off at xmas for two weeks.

bear in mind the weather in yorkshire atm.

ok, say housemates 1 and 2.

a week ago, the cat was skulking around outside. i go to let her but housemate 1 stops me.

'nah, might as well leave her out. she's gotta get used to it over xmas when we're all gone...'
(ladyintheradiator, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:45, 2 replies)

"Think of it as like that game with water guns at the fairground."

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:45, Reply)

Since I started studying Tantric Sex
I've almost mastered the "Dry Orgasm". I just need to maintain complete concentration and for you to suck a little harder. Yep. Harder. That's it.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:42, Reply)

I'll tell you what
What goes in your mouth, you can keep
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:41, Reply)

"Nonono,
I'm not saying you have to; I'm just saying that the sight of my own semen makes me beat women."
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:41, 3 replies)

Just a bit further...

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:40, Reply)

Oh yeah, I can feel it. It's gonna be page 10 soon. Yeah..uhuh...no I really will pull out soon...just a couple more...

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:36, Reply)

Well, I'm not sure... it's quite salty and it's been in this airtight jar all week.
It's probably quite safe. Open wide...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:36, Reply)

where's
Your brother when I need him
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:34, 1 reply)

"Fair enough. I'll just keep it in this, you can have it later."

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:33, Reply)

It won't kill you
But I might ha ha, only joking. Really
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:32, Reply)

But this is how they do it in the movies!
Well, ok, she didn't lick the condom clean in When Harry Met Sally. We're not talking about your movies here. Look, just trust me, I'll show you later.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:32, Reply)

"Yeah, I'll warn you. Mmm. Hey, this is a really amazing blowjob, wasn't it?"

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:31, Reply)

spit it into this then
Her ashes will soak it up
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)

"Hey, c'mon...
I don't complain when you piss in my ears."
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:29, Reply)

Right, forget it.
I'll just wait until your asleep
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:29, 1 reply)

"What, and get it all over the tablecloths"
"of this fine establishment?"
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Sssh! Your big sister's in the next room,
and if you choke too loudly she'll dump me!
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)

Don't worry, I'll pull out before...








...we get to page ten.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:24, Reply)

"I wouldn't do that to *you*, baby"
"...what do you mean, 'funny emphasis on 'you'?' Well, I'm hardly going to give you a comprehensive list, am I...in fact there isn't even a list anyway, I didn't say that..."
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:22, Reply)

"You do know"
"That your daughter sleeps with her mouth open don't you?"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:20, Reply)

"Oh, I see.
And yet somehow actual stilton doesn't 'taste too much like stilton'".
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:19, 3 replies)

You can dry yourself off with this
Yep, it's definitely a towel this time.

Oh shut up, your mum never liked those curtains anyway.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)

"I've been"
"wanking in your coffee all this time and you never complained then"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)

"Now, I'm not saying I WILL kill myself if you don't love me enough to swallow"
"I'm just not saying that I WON'T, either."
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:17, 2 replies)

"It's not that bad"
"Marc Almond told me"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 17:17, Reply)