So. Long story , short?
Me and a mate of mine were knocking around on some hoity-toity cruise ship a while back. I was picking up whatever translating work I could and him, the short fucker who seemed to go where-ever he wanted and mix with the VIP's with impunity - he was let's say "a jack of all trades".

Unfortunately our vessel was accosted en-route in what seemed to be a vicious corporate take-over.
We managed to bail, but not before my stumpy little friend had some sort of communiqué sharing session with one of the VIP's. Hobnobbing little cunt.

Anyhoo, we found our feet somewhere at the arse end of the universe on this god-forsaken hell-hole where we were basically kidnapped by these short-arse slave-traders. Yeah, slaves.
If I ever come across those wizened fucking wankers again I'm gonna strangle them with their own fucking hoodies!
After a few days these cunts sold us. Yes they fucking sold us like a carton of milk, a paper and a pack of cigs!
The guy they sold us to was some 2-bit farmer living somewhere out the back of "No-Fucking-Wheresville". He was just interested in us for manual labour. There was a young bloke with him - he made sure my mate came along for the ride after one of the other slaves busted a nut and had a breakdown. Little cunt didn't realise that I saved him.

Story of my life that the little shit gets me in trouble. The young fella was doing something with him when my mate suddenly blurts out the top-secret communication given to him by the VIP. Dumbass.
So the young bloke says it might be some grungly old fart who live local - who'd a thunk it eh?
So the fucking gnome decides to go chase up this old fart. On his own. Off he trundles into the wilderness and who do you think has to save him?
You got that right! Yours fucking truly. So me & the young fella go for a drive into the "badlands" - apparently there are some people out this way who have no care for the sanctity of life - big fucking surprise there, right?

We find the stumpy shit but in the mean time these redneck fuckwits manage to shoot at the young fella. The old geezer manages to save the day (somehow!) and then my shitty little friend slpooges the info again to the crusty. He then takes charge and takes us into town.

Then the shit physically abused the the air-cooling device.
Some blokes from the mob that had been part of the takeover (they looked like cops but I didn't see badge numbers) pulled us, the young fella and the old man over. They asked the old guy about us - fucking discrimination if you ask me. He suggested to them that they weren't looking for us.
Guess what? The dumb cunts bought it! Says a lot about the how the local militia is run if you ask me.

Me, the stumpy, the young fella,the old bloke and a few others had a few more adventures. But none would beat getting past those cops.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 7 Jul 2013, 10:04, 12 replies)

You should deffo make this into a film.
A serious one. With no lols.
( rjmrjm, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 14:12, closed)

Is
this from Finding Nemo?
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 15:22, closed)

Was this your Lukey Escapade?

( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 16:44, closed)

Go to your room.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 17:17, closed)

OMFG! A Star Wars story as a parody of /qotw!
I'm surprised more people don't do this.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 8:59, closed)

What's STAR WARS?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Jul 2013, 9:21, closed)

ZOMG!
ur mind haz been wiped!1!!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 9:27, closed)

I dun farted lol
Dribbly shit
To the shit-flingers, I say this - this post was originally in the "Emergency Services" question. Before you make your sad, old OkCupid jokes at my expense, how about reading the last paragraph above. And then reflect on the fact that there are some who have had far luckier escapes than having had to witness your particular brand To the shit-flingers, I say this - this post was originally in the "Emergency Services" question. Before you make your sad, old OkCupid jokes at my expense, how about reading the last paragraph above. And then reflect on the fact that there are some who have had far luckier escapes than having had to witness your particular brand of dribbly shit.To the shit-flingers, I say this - this post was originally in the "Emergency Services" question. Before you make your sad, old OkCupid jokes at my expense, how about reading the last paragraph above. And then reflect on the fact that there are some who have had far luckier escapes than having had to witness your particular brand of dribbly shit.To the shit-flingers, I say this - this post was originally in the "Emergency Services" question. Before you make your sad, old OkCupid jokes at my expense, how about reading the last paragraph above. And then reflect on the fact that there are some who have had far luckier escapes than having had to witness your particular brand of dribbly shit.To the shit-flingers, I say this - this post was originally in the "Emergency Services" question. Before you make your sad, old OkCupid jokes at my expense, how about reading the last paragraph above. And then reflect on the fact that there are some who have had far luckier escapes than having had to witness your particular brand of dribbly shit.To the shit-flingers, I say this - this post was originally in the "Emergency Services" question. Before you make your sad, old OkCupid jokes at my expense, how about reading the last paragraph above. And then reflect on the fact that there are some who have had far luckier escapes than having had to witness your particular brand of dribbly shit.To the shit-flingers, I say this - this post was originally in the "Emergency Services" question. Before you make your sad, old OkCupid jokes at my expense, how about reading the last paragraph above. And then reflect on the fact that there are some who have had far luckier escapes than having had to witness your particular brand of dribbly shit.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 11:41, closed)

*reboots*
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 11:48, closed)

I have to ask.
When you did this first you were aiming for some measure of piss-takery yeah?

The reason I ask is that now, here in a post that has absolutely nothing to do with that previous post & tbh is just you copy-pasting something from one of my posts you kinda look like a dick.
As Adam Hills' says "Don't be a dick!"
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Jul 2013, 12:33, closed)

Dribbly shit
Dribbly shit
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 12:39, closed)

Ah
ha.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Jul 2013, 12:52, closed)