Past and Present - and apologies for the lack of funneh
*Past*

I was the stereotypical wimpy kid, apart from not wearing glasses. I also had the misfortune to be an intransigent little git and if I was able to reach back in time and give him some advice now I'd tell him to use his two ears and one mouth in proportion.

Naturally, my "standing up for myself" to the school bullies resulted in my being on the receiving end of an utter, utter shoeing at the hands of Simon F and another kid whose name escapes me. I do remember returning home with a severely blackened eye, cuts, bruises and wanting to go to another school.

Parents decided that this just "wasn't on" and that I'd go back to school the next day and face them down. My mother was a big John Wayne/Western films fan and I think that it was a fantasy she was having from having recently seen The Good The Bad and The Ugly.

Take a wild guess what happened? Utterly well-deserved shoeing, take two.

Arriving home that night (a Wednesday) Dad was back from work early and wanted to take me to school personally the next morning so that he could have a chat to the bullies in question and, knowing his sporting prowess (rugby / boxing), beat seven shades out of them. I pleaded with him not to do so and he eventually listened when I pointed out that his arrival on the premises might lead to (a) shoeing, take 3 and (b) the local police being called and him going away for a while (not to mention the end of his RAF career (that he hated anyway, but that's a different story)).

Went to school on the Thursday morning and was seething with anger, shame and embarrassment. I felt that I was fizzing with anger and that I wanted to go to my redoubt to compose myself and went through the school gates, into the building, upstairs and into the library (I was the full-on geek, including being a school librarian).

Simon F came into the library and started giving me a hard time and I ignored him as with the benefit of information asymmetry I knew something he didn't. At the apogee of his abusive commentary and his muttering about how much of a shoeing he'd led the two days previously and how much I was going to get that very evening the headmaster walked out of the cupboard and, without saying a word, grabbed him and took him down to his office, where he was suspended for two weeks.

In that time I kept a low profile; within a year of that incident I'd been instrumental in setting up the school rugby team and been appointed captain, leading the team (including Simon F) to victory in the county championships and eventually taking myself to sub-national team not-quite-glory.

*Present*

As some of you are aware, my second marriage lasted sixteen days. Since that time my ex- has decided that she wants to destroy me through a campaign that has, thus far, comprised:

1. Having me arrested for bigamy and assault, amongst other things (released without charge in both incidents), leading to a complaint by me to the IPCC

2. Making sure that contracts have canned me on the basis of her behaviours, not mine (including her being mentally ill), leading to me being tempted (but not brave enough) to sue her

3. Publishing both on the internet and via a couple of tabloids stories of how much of a twat I am - both of which newspapers will be sued when I've got enough money together to be able to support the action; sued for (a) gross violation of privacy (b) factual inaccuracy

In all of this, I've not reacted *once* direct to her. I've wanted to and, as some of you know, I'm still madly in love with her, but having fought SO hard to take the moral high ground thus meaning that I can watch as she slowly implodes on herself and then - when this has happened - I can then deploy heavy artillery to those sycophants around her who have failed utterly to consider that there may be two sides to every story and that hers is not the truth.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 13 May 2009, 12:54, 4 replies)

I still want to know
what the head was doing hiding in a cupboard. Was this ever investigated?
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Wed 13 May 2009, 17:30, closed)

head
Was in the book cupboard.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:21, closed)

You're Eddie Murphy!
www.starblogs.net/archives/2008/01/eddie_murphys_12day_marriage_i.html

Stop making shite films!
(Evil Mike is wondering why on, Thu 14 May 2009, 22:51, closed)

Re part 2
Thing about it all is

noone ever wins, do they?

All you can do is do right for your own sanity.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Thu 14 May 2009, 22:52, closed)