The Notorious BIG
There were 2 main bullies in my year. Jason was, and still is by all accounts, a fuckin nutcase. He quite famously walked up to a lad who had lost a fight with someone else and asked what the matter was, "my head hurts" the lad replied. At which point Jason head-butted him and uttered "well now it fuckin does". He also picked on me a few times, not out of hatred it seemed, but just for shits n' giggles... he once tripped me up and stood on my head.... literally stood on it for a good 10 seconds!... in form time.... in front of the teacher! The last time I saw him, a couple of years back (I'm early 30's BTW), he had a swastika tattooed on his forehead, Classy! (note the capital c).

Anyway, I didn't come here to tell you about him, I came here to tell you about probably my greatest moment at school.

Trevor was The Notorious BIG. He was a big-un. Taller than the average bear pupil and just enough fat to be considered a fatty without being a waddling freak. Our bully/victim relationship WAS based on hatred and it all started when we were in the first year. I had become friends with Dan (and still am, I was his best man etc), who had been Trevor's best friend at primary school. Trevor took exception to my pal-plundering antics and yea, that's how it started.

Fast forward to a typical day in the 4th year. It was the afternoon and we had Drama. The class was split into groups and we were each given a prop and asked to devise some...thing drama-ish probably - what ever we were supposed to do never happened anyway because of the earth shattering events that would take place.

I can't remember what our group's prop was but Trevor's group, who were situated next to ours in the classroom, had been given a policeman's helmet. The said "pigs tit" wasn't being used - it was on the floor, which gave me the perfect opportunity for some HILARIOUS "'ello 'ello 'ello" japery (lol, I know, like I said... hil-arious). Trevor took exception to me soiling their prop with my 1st class comedy stylings and gave me a sharp but not too painful jab on the shoulder "gis it back... it ain't yours!" he guffed. "Pffft" I thought as I tossed it across the floor, specifically away from him. He got up and retrieved the helmet, came back and swiped it at my shoulder, again, not with any meaningful force.

Now at this point I have never been able to fully understand why I did what I was about to do... I wasn't in pain, I didn't feel particularly threatened or humiliated. My only explanation is... hormones. All I do know is that independent witnesses later described that I "leaped from my chair like a frog".
I grabbed him in an Insta-headlock^TM and began to kinda... "spin around a bit" (official wresting jargon)... this was to be the fatty's downfall, literally! His knees buckled as we slammed into the wall and he collapsed onto his front, I mounted his back and began to pummel, yes pummel, the back and sides of his fat head as fast as my legs could carry me, erm... with the speed and accuracy of a diving Peregrine Falcon, like a poorly built, yet eager, punching machine.

As the dust had settled we were pulled apart - he hadn't landed a single punch - and as I'm sure most of you know, in secondary school fighting terms, this meant I had "beaten him up". Plus, me not being a twatty fatty bully, the people holding me back quite liked me and so when I exclaimed "ALRIGHT!, alright... I'm not gonna fight any more" they loosened their grip on me, freeing me for one last triumphant KICK-TO-DA-NUTS!! BOOYAH... ahem.

Epilogue.

Lets not beat about the bush, what I had achieved on that fateful day was nothing short of momentous, a true story of David and Goliath, and subsequently word spread quickly. For the rest of the day, and the next, my walks to class were like something you only ever see in cheesy American teen movies. All I saw were smiles and grins, admiring glances (no not like that, I was still an ugly cunt) and nods of acknowledgement.


I... HAD... ARRIIIIIIIIIVED!


*fade to black*


Hey, hey, hey ,hey
Ohhh...

Won't you come see about me?
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out and
Love's strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apart
When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me

Will you stand above me?
Look my way, never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down

Will you recognise me?
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down, down

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Ohhhh.....

Don't you try to pretend
It's my feeling we'll win in the end
I won't harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity and security

Don't you forget about me
I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Going to take you apart
I'll put us back together at heart, baby

Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me

As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
As you walk on by
Will you call my name?
When you walk away

Or will you walk away?
Will you walk on by?
Come on - call my name
Will you all my name?

I say :
La la la...
( mr.dogshit The world's premier anthropomorphic canine faeces, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:50, 1 reply)

Have a click
for the movie reference.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Wed 13 May 2009, 16:59, closed)