i will try and keep this concise
i went through primary school in a daze, close to top of the class with ease in most things- i didnt even have to try, and had very little trouble other than disparaging comments about my out of fashion clothes (we were pretty skint as a family,but never without the necessities)and the odd roll around the yard over football.
secondry school was different from the off, i was overwhelmed by it and it seemed like all my previous friends had vanished and i was alone. i did make a few friends, but mainly kept my own councel.
of course, being a spotty quiet kid made me the main target for every individual or group of bullies in the school. my mum actually thought i was ripping the sleeves off my blazer on purpose, some sort of teenage rebellion, i couldnt tell her the truth-that it was through trying to escape beatings. my mum and dad worked til well after i finished the school day and my papers, and the last thing i wanted to burden them with was my seemingly petty problems.
the constant dark cloud of the next episode of violence followed me throughout secondry school with instances of abuse and violence occuring almost daily, with only occasional shafts of light piercing through, like my games teacher properly twatting one of the bigger lads(bigger than himself even),after he had kicked my head black and blue for objecting to his thieving of my crisps, one of the few times i actually gave one a crack back, or the day i left the fucking dump-although even that small triumph was tainted by someone i saw as a decent person, who went to shake my hand to say bye, then instead puched me in the guts.
i grew quickly after school, and found life has a nice way of righting the wrongs, call it karma if you like, i dont really care for religious terminology. i have frightened two of them out of a pub just by smiling and mentioning to my dad (proper handy hard case) that i had some bother with them at school, i gave one a savage beating outside a pub in town after he had hospitalised a much smaller and younger lad and the bouncers wouldnt get involved, another tried to carry on the bullying in a pub on my 21st birthday and got his nose smashed all over his face. most will now simply make efforts to avoid me, and this is easy as i dont really socialise much now as i have a family. one or two actually are quite friendly now, but it is quite one sided and barely tolerated. i detest violence, i know from experience that nothing goood comes of it, but i cannot help myself hoping that i will still come across that fucking knob who punched me on the last day of school, and that i will gain some sort of retribution.
reading some of these posts, the idea that all will right itself reoccurs, but even though this has been the case with me , in reality it took 20 years to actually gain enough confidence to function like a normal human. bullying had a massive influence on my life and stopped me going to uni when i was younger, as i associated educational establishments with bullying. for years and years, i struggled to talk to anyone who was not a close friend and i still keep everything bottled up, which isnt good, but doing college courses, representing colleagues and being pushed into a career change has helped me regain a good level of confidence.
bullying can and does change lives, but it doesnt need to ruin them.

keep smiling =)
(discodaz *generic witty comment*, Sat 16 May 2009, 1:11, Reply)