North Korean MySpace
Pretty sure this is a pearoast, but I can't remember for sure.

Basically, the story starts that I made a fake account on MySpace, back when that site was relevant. One of my female Korean friends was being harassed by somebody, so I wanted to troll him back. I invented Kim Hyunhee, a North Korean girl inexplicably allowed on the Internet. I get paid to proofread online posts from South Korean English learners, so it's easy for me to fake. Sample:

About me:
hello i am north korean cute girl^^

my job is government bureau clerk and i'm workaholic ;)

i love my job and country and Our Dear Leader ..~

he is Great Man~

won't you enjoy visit me in Chosun Capital of Pyongyang?

it's so beaufifl~

i am 26 year old!!


Anyway, ha ha. I took care of the guy bothering my friend, then I expanded. I discovered a large number of US soldiers stationed in South Korea don't know which Korea they're in, and put their country as "Democratic People's Republic of Korea." I began messaging them talking about how great the North is. The responses were usually predictable.

I got bored and left it for a while. Several months later I logged in again, only to find a ton of friend requests and unsolicited messages from random horndogs. The best, by far, was Andrew:

"You are a very attractive North Korean women. Are you allowed to be in a relationship on the internet with a man like me from the United States of America. I don't want you to get into any trouble with your supervisors.

I would enjoy receiving notes and messages from an attractive women like you. I think Korean and Japanese women are very attractive."

He obviously knows something about North Korea, and also has a thing for Asians. Yet somehow doesn't know that pairing Koreans and Japanese side by side like that is about the dumbest thing you can say.

He sent one or two more flirtatious messages, and then this came out of nowhere:

"My former co-worker from Sony Electronics Corporation deals in decoders for FCC and military regulated telecommunitcations frequencies.

Would you like to make a buy for satellite decoders of FCC or military frequecy applications??

Please let me know and I can set the price.

Thank You..."

If I'm reading correctly, he's offering to sell me state secrets here. The next one was a little less treasonous sounding:

"I am looking for a few good women. Not the kind that would betray their own country, or manipulate their own ethnic gender and cultural heritage. I am a serious man looking to maintain global political and economical peace. Also bridging cultural and ethnic gaps when necessary for prevention of political distress that could lead to economic instability due to poor foreign policy management with these hidden agendas.

If you are capable of acting as a liason for counter intelligence with North Korea, since you are a cute Korean girl I am willing to work with you directly.

Please contact the following branch of the US Department of Defense to notify them you must have me, and only me to work with as a counter intelligence liason. If not, only God knows who you will get. As you can tell from my photograph I am a handsome American guy."

Aww, what a nice guy. He listed his address as something connected to US Army intelligence which I won't get into, because it seems to really exist. In the same letter, he even made this promise:

"Please send me a copy of this letter, if you want me. Then in an act of good faith I will open a small credit card account with a $5,000 dollar limit in the United States of America by a bank of my choice and add your contact information to the registered account."

So, at this point, I'm thinking this guy is really thinking with his dick, or is totally leading me on as a joke. I told some of my friends in the US military and they took it very seriously, but I managed to keep them from reporting it until I found out the deal.

Then I got this message verifying that he most likely is some kind of crackpot:

"I recently had a legal dispute with local university from Pennsylvania involving Carnegie Mellon University (CMU). They tried to make a criminal charge against me for reporting political flyers on their campus.

Somehow, your name from Myspace.com came into the conversation of legal documents. I can not beleive that they are worse than what the United States of America calls the North Korean government.

I am currently reporting my evidence to the Pennsylvania Office of Attorney General Civil Rights Enforcement 15th Floor, Strawberry Square Harrisburg PA 17120. If you would like to track the evidence you can look it up from www.FedEx.com the number is XXXX XXXX XXXX

I feel like the campus police can do whatever they what with their authority, they are so powerfull. I will keep you informed if they ask more questions about North Korea, or The Peoples Republic of China. I hope you understand that I am defenseless in this situation in defending your photo on Myspace.com from becoming legal evidence. Blame the CMU university police."

Oh yes, campus cops, the scourge of America. I didn't bother with the FedEx thing because he was probably trying to find my IP. But the rest of it, posting flyers, ranting about campus cops, I started to realise I was onto a real lunatic.

I googled his name (which I won't post here because he maintains a vigilant Internet presence), and over the years I've been tracking his activities. He claims to have worked in US military intelligence, but I'm starting to doubt that. He writes e-mails that get CCed to Hillary Clinton and the like. He posts bizarre rants about "psy ops" and has his own IMDB page. People on one particular martial arts combat message board are scared of him because he occasionally reports one of them to the police for no apparent reason. I found his online resume which has him working in military intelligence for years, and then suddenly his next job is a McDonald's.

My conclusion is just he's a total wacko who believes everything he writes, and inserts himself into all these global political things, where he converses with presidents, advises generals, trades state secrets, and sets up spy rings.

Click "I like this" if you want me to message him that I've escaped from North Korea and I'm coming to America to meet him.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 14:37, 6 replies)

It's not Adam Kadir-Buxton is it?
www.kadir-buxton.com/
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 16:22, closed)

While living in a West African country
a bloke turned up who was a bit weird to say the least. He somehow managed to wangle a job with the World Bank on a nice slary but didn't like paying rent and managed to move from place to place lokng after peoples houses while they were on annual leave (usually 2 months at a time) and there were lots of people who seemed to take up his kind offer of 'looking after' their houses and saving him the trouble of paying rent. He would usually have use of their cars and take the piss with their fridges and freezers and phone bills etc. Anyway he was very in your face and would turn up at peoples houses after having met them just once and try and sniff out the possibility of house sitting for them. People started to get wise to his ways and offers dried up after a year or so so he put up ads every where offering his services. The ad was an A4 piece of paper half of which was taken up with a pic of himself surfing, and the rest was an ad for himself and how great he was. His real name seemed a bit of a mystery until someone once found it and Googled his name. Turned out he had been arrested trying to sneak into the US President's Camp David retreat. He got the sack from the nice job he had soon after as it turned out his CV was a load of wank. Very very strange guy. Some people are just great at bullshitting, others not so.
(Wagane, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 0:51, closed)

Uh...
Wrong place, I'm guessing?
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 10:08, closed)

No...
My guy is less coherent.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 10:09, closed)

Racetraitor - are you on uer.ca?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 16:35, closed)

Yes
I changed my username to Steed a while back. Who are you there?
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 2:59, closed)