'Two Sheds' two
I'd forgotten this one.

The glory of 'Two Sheds' was that whatever you mentioned to him, he'd had it happen to him even more, or had a mate who had. Lost a leg? He knew a guy who'd lost both. To a tiger. In a freak zoo accident. And so on.

The talk got on to cars one night in the pub. I mentioned a myth (no idea of the truth of it) that the old rear-engined Hillman Imps could 'wheelie' under certain circumstances.
"My mate had a car that could 'wheelie'," says 'Two Sheds'.
"Oh, yeah?" we say. "I suppose they can in some circumstances."

This was the thing about 'Two Sheds'. None of us ever wanted to say "Mate, that's horseshit" because we all figured this was what he did to 'fit in', and as long as we knew it was sh!t there was no harm. So we just nodded along.

"He had to have a stabiliser system fitted on the back to stop it."
"Some drag racers have that sort of thing. Was that what he had?"
"No, it was his normal car. He had a wheel on a scaffold pole bolted off the back of the car. It had to have its own light on it to make it street legal."

Since that glorious night, 'a scaffold pole on it' has become a private indication of ludicrous exaggeration among us.
(uncle whippity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 12:41, 2 replies)

No offense - I like these two stories
But it comes across to me as Two Sheds having an ace sense of ridiculous humour, as opposed to being a bullshitter. Maybe to his otehr mates he brags about how he told those other twats down the pub that - get this - he'd told you his mate had welded a scaffold pole to his car as a stabilizer, and that you'd swallowed it!

Or maybe he really is full of shit, but the above is the sort of thing I do, certainly.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 13:05, closed)

Scary thought
That's never crossed my mind. I can bet none of us have ever considered this. Oh God. We may have been pranked for years....
(uncle whippity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 13:14, closed)