I've got a 'friend' of a friend who is the worlds ultimate bullshitter and total fuckwit, this is a story of his come-uppence.
Everything you have ever done he has done before you even heard of it and could do it better if he chose to, everything that has ever been known he knows more about it and always knows the latest news and it is never wrong, don't matter if you do it for a living and have for years, he will know how you SHOULD be doing it and you're an idiot if ya don't listen to his superior knowledge on something he has NEVER DONE IN HIS LIFE, he IS the internet, he is google, he is the fucking matrix FFS and we should all genuflect and kiss his undoubtedly elephant-sized fucking cock.

He also works in a call centre, has for about 10 years and has never been promoted. Just sayin.

Best moment for me, I'm at his (I'm friends with his other half, that's a whole other story) and I have my mate who is a senior computer technician in tow, there is NOTHING he doesn't know and cannot do with any machine, it's his job, he's made a career out of it, and he's great at it, if it has even a basic computer inside it, he can make it sit up and beg.

We're having to wait for his other half to get ready so making small talk with the fuckwit, he's already being his usual anti social self dicking about with the TV with no regards for if we were watching anything and talking over us with his superior knowledge on any subjects we broach together but ignoring us if we ask him anything like 'Any chance of a coffee' and such.

My friend inquires about using the house WI-Fi a minute to check his mail (beats talking to this twat), he has his phone out and politely asks if he can have the code.

Oh no he can't says fuckwit, jumping down his throat like he just asked to fuck his mother, he's been getting some problems with outsiders fucking with the settings on his PC thru his Wi-Fi (a common problem that has nothing to do with him constantly dicking about with it's insides himself of course) so he's put on a new fantastic encryption that no one will ever break, something cutting edge that he practically invented himself from the knowledge he's gained online on hacking sites, something my friend wouldn't know about as it's FAR too new and clever and so fantastically brilliant he will now go on and on about it loudly for a full 5 fucking minutes: it's been tested by the best, it's totally impossible that he or anyone else could ever break it, it's UTTER BRILLIANCE and he's definitely NOT giving out the massive encryption key to anybody 'cos his PC is far too wonderful and his files are WAY too important to risk giving it out to strangers like you, so don't even ask!

'Yeh, well I'm in!' replies my friend and, 'Ooh, and look everyone, his personal files, his Chicks With Dicks porn collection, oh and your dick & ass pics for your profile on Gaydar! 'KInkySatinSlut' eh? How nice!'

He sulked for fucking weeks and I was forbidden to ever bring my friend ever again, anything I say about it is all lies, I can NEVER mention it in front of him and that whole thing never happened, or else.

So I thought I'd tell you about it here.

Needless to say there were repercussions, especially onto his other half which I felt bad about, and it's only for their sakes I'm protecting identities here, but it was totally worth it to see his ugly fat smug fucking face drop that constant fucking sneer he has for everyone but his chosen minions for a short while.

Tee hee…
( ..wil, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 14:58, Reply)