The Incredible Bullshitting Man...And His Crab
About 15 years ago, and I was hard at work, fucking up doing a PHd. Part of this invoved woring nights in a research facility near Warrington. When we knocked off shift at about 11 am, myself and fellow graduate Cheesy Dave would head off to the pub, which we would then chase down with a few spliffs in order to knock ourselves out.
Whilst in the pub in Warringtn, Cheesy Dave and I were just discussing skinning up, when The Incredible Bullshitting Man And His Crab appeared.

'Got any gear lads?'

Cheeky Cunt

'Erm no sorry mate we were just saying how much we wish we had some'

Thus diverted, The Incredible Bullshitting Man And His Crab plonks himself down, and decides to talk at us about all the things that he had achieved with his life. This unlikely list included:

Being Engelbert Humperdinks manager ('Bastard ripped me off')
Owning a gold mine in Australia ('I only bought it for a couple of dollers')
Fighting in the Vietnam War (against the 'Jimmies')
and discovering how UFOs flew ('the engine is a sphere of copper with rotating mercury inside')

Fearing a care in the community case, we made our excuses and left pronto, but not before he reaches into his coat pocket and plops a live crab on the table.

'I was going to eat that, but I think I will give it to my dog now'.
The crab returned to his pocket, and we returned, soewhat rattled, to our digs.

Apologies for length, its swollen with the surgery.
(djlumpyrulesok beware of cousin Mosquito and his solo, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 9:07, 1 reply)

I clicked "Like"
For the 'the engine is a sphere of copper with rotating mercury inside' line. It made me laugh out loud :D
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 16:07, closed)