Never believe an unofficial tourguide
On a recent holiday Mr Geobor and I took a trip to visit a colony of giant tortoises. They were on the whole a happy bunch, and one in particular seemed to quite like us and followed us around at what I can only assume to be top speed for such an animal. Before long Mr Unofficial Tour Guide magically appears from the bushes and offers us a bunch of spinach with which to feed our new friend. He spends a few minutes chatting to us about the tortoise colony, tortoise life and how clever they are; generally an alright guy we think. He demonstrates how to feed them without losing your fingers and how to give them a rub on the neck and shoulders which they like very much (as I expect anyone would if they were in their eighties). When asked if the friendly creature was a girl or a boy the Unofficial Tour Guide pops his hand under its rear end to "check the shell" and gropes around for a short while, as this is apparently how you tell them apart. He informs us that she is a lady tortoise before promptly demanding a present in return for his now eaten spinach and then dissapearing back into the bushes.

Turns out that this was utter bullshit as when we turn back down the path to leave the tortoise turns and smiles over its shell, gently raises up on its haunches, lifts up its tail and proudly waves us off with its enormous, bright red, throbbing erection. It didnt take long to realise that we had just paid a man we had just met a dollar to pleasure an 85 year old. *shames*
(CactusCactus, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 11:25, Reply)