The Bushlit!!! - just ask Mr Moses

I visited a friend at University who was notable for his tall tales, to find the pretentious milieu of higher education had only amplified his lust for lying.

Cometh ye holy Shabbat, he departed for his weekly football trials at Bristol Rovers FC, as his massively impressed housemates grovelled and slavered all up his Sindoco shinpads like the asinine cretins these sports fanatics always are. Needless to say, he didn't have trials at the club and most likely spent 4 hours every Sunday hiding amongst shrubbery licking splinters from the naked skeleton of a jettisoned Solero lolly, while a cadre of weekend cottagers mistook this foliaged sarcoid blob as a gaping sexual jungle gym.

That's not bullshit, it's an assumption based on statistics.

Eventually he must have got bored of this particular lie, and concluded the issue with one final bout of signature fibbery. He addressed an envelope to himself, complete with the typical insignia of officialdom... then unravelled it in the kitchen before the dreamy eyes of his housemates - damp with roid residue - gawking in puerile wonderment as though present as Moses unsheathed his magical tablet....

The letter read something like; "Despite your unequivocal footballing wizardry, we regret to inform you that you have been unsuccessful due to failing the medical. How sad we are that your brilliance may go forever unseen by the footballing world..."

This rejection hasn't set him back however, he now works for the CIA inventing code names for their operations battling the ganglion man-lizards of Venus.
(billskippers, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 12:25, Reply)