Explain the problem
I used to work for BT (spit) I was there for 18 months as a "temp" (some temps had been there 5 years). Anyway I was on 151 faults and one idiot called to say his phone had been repaired on time. "Great" says I. Idiot says "But what was exactly wrong and what did the engineer do to fix it?"
As people who work in BT know there are never any fucking helpful notes on anything. His report just said something like broken at pole.
So I told him that. He wouldn't accept a broken wire and mended broken wire and kept on for5 minutes. So I told him to wait while I got the engineer on the line to explain it fully to me. Put him on hold for 5 mins and went for a fag.
When I went back to him he was still there. So with my best bit of star trek knowledge, told him "There was a surge in the plasma conduit which overloaded the transporter buffer, so the engineer replaced an isolinear chip."
"Thanks" he said "that's all I wanted to know."
Twat rang off, re-phoned and left a message for my manager saying how helpful I'd been.
(Captain Spacker I lick windows, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 7:32, 7 replies)

That figures
Other than the fact that you were based in the UK as opposed to India, you sound like a perfect representative of all BT's customer service: a) you couldn't give a flying fuck about the customer who you think is an idiot by default, b) you deliberately waste their time and cause frustration c) you're bone idle and if 'a', 'b' or 'c' don't deal with the issue, you bullshit your way out of the conversation to get thanked for service that you absolutely didn't provide. Nice quality work there.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 8:03, closed)

heh
well summed up there
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 8:32, closed)

idiot
Ok, he's called idiot because he's an idiot who for 5 minutes cannot understand a wire had broken and the engineer had mended it.
He wanted it to be some great technical issue but wouldn't accept te fact that the phone system is basically a few thin copper wire held together by little metal clips.
As we had a call handling time of 180 seconds or less and I had spent over 5 minutes trying to explain what was wrong. That meant I would be carpeted that week for spending too long on calls. So I gave up and had some fun.
You are probably one of the wankers who likes to be an arse when they call up.
(Captain Spacker I lick windows, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 8:55, closed)

heh
when I get asked why the computers crashes/web doesn't work/any other random question by a student (I work in a school) I should answer with that.

Still, plasma based communications systems?...
(tb2571989 dies at precisely, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 9:16, closed)

Hahahaha!
I guess, in that case, that you're ideally qualified to work in at a car repair place.

"I see my bill was £560. Can I ask what was actually fixed?"

"Stuff sir."

"I feel it's not unreasonable to know."

"Hang on, I'll check." (has smoke break, leaving customer standing for 5 minutes) "It was the left undulator attachment, the bohanoojangle and we had to replace your fortissagers."

Despite your poor attempt at justifying why he was an idiot, the poor man just wanted to know what was fixed. He pays for the service, it's not unreasonable. You could, you know, have actually called the engineer rather than patting yourself on the back for providing abysmal customer service... but I guess well trained you are in the ways of "helping" BT customers.

And as for calling me a wanker, I'm still laughing. I really, really hope that you have BT broadband either now or in the future. In which case, I rest easily in the safe knowledge that what goes around comes around. In spades.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 11:52, closed)

call the engineer
For your information, it's impossible to call a bt engineer when you work in 151. As the problem had been fixed I would have had to call the engineers control (impossible after 6pm) I worked 6 to 11pm.
I don't see how "Broken Wire" and "Fixed broken wire" is not understandable. How a wire is broken could come from hundreds of different things, it's impossible to know (wind, vandalism, animal strike) and engineers are not psychic.

As for my customer service, how about one day when working before 6pm I tracked down an engineer, pleaded with him for an hour until my face was blue. Just for him to go to the dead phone skip and retrieve a phone and return it that he'd taken from an old gent who wanted it back as it was the last thing his recently departed wife had ordered.
For that I got a thankyou from the customer and an official warning for taking so long on calls.

Or how about visiting an old lady on my way home strictly against rules, sackable even) to plug in her extension phone as she couldn't reach the socket.
That was my kind of service level.

Oh, and you are a wanker.
(Captain Spacker I lick windows, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 20:05, closed)

I..
Absolutely despise BT customer service, it's up there with NPower and British Fucking Gas, and I'm sure I'm not the only one that agrees on this opinion.

I'm also sure that there's plenty of people out there who have enough problems with these companies to make an interesting QOTW (besides this call centre thread)

That said, despite my desire to crawl through the phoneline and rip the little fuckers eyeballs out, and piss in their sockets after my regular weekly conversation with regards to them fucking up my service AGAIN!!, I am always polite and reserved on the phone.

There was one exception though, but I managed through gritted teeth to keep calm, but I really did almost take to a clock tower with a sniper rifle..

Arsey on the phone or otherwise - they will still treat you like shit, or have difficulty understanding the Queens English.
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 9:50, closed)