On cold callers
I used to get them a lot, before the joys of joining the TPS. Pretending to be Polish and answering any and all questions with the word "Yes" is very effective.

Cold-caller: "Hello, this is Sanjeev calling from BT, could I speak to the billpayer please? I'm wondering if you're interested in taking our new calls package."

Me: "Yes"

Sanjeev: "Are you the billpayer?"

Me: "Yes"

Sanjeev: "Could you confirm your account number please?"

Me: "Yes" [Pause]

Sanjeev: "And what is your account number?"

Me: "Yes"

Sanjeev: "Can you speak English?"

Me: "Yes"

Sanjeev: "OK. Can I take your account number please?"

Me: "Yes" [Pause]

And so it went on for about 10 minutes of Polish-sounding mono-syllabic answers, my housemates crying with silent laughter (we live in Wakefield- there isn't much to do on a Sunday evening), and poor old Sanjeev getting considerably frustrated and confused. He eventually hung up after the 8th attempt at security, the poor man. Needless to say they didn't bother us again though.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:30, Reply)