market research
Simplicity itself.

Caller: ingratiating greeting, sir. do you have time blah blah survey?
Me: Erm, is your company a member of the Market Research Society?
Caller: why yes we take our responsibilities seriously etc etc...

Me: Well I'm sure you do. I myself used to work at a market research company making just these sorts of calls as a student. Yes awful isn't it? Well you cannot interview me. No, I'm afraid you can't.
You see, I know the sort of time this might take, so I will only give answers which will get me through your script in the shortest time possible thus invalidating the integrity of your research to your client. Or if I don't like your tone or if there is any obvious client bias in your questions I will offer answers which may require verbatim transcription and will involve a lot of abuse of the products mentioned, the money spent advertising them and I will constantly contradict my previous answers. Please take whatever steps you can to remove my number from your registry and never call me again or I will complain directly to the MRS and as many consumer organisations as I can think of. Good luck finding those necessary C2s and Es. Thank you"

PS If you ever get a call beginning "I'm calling ON BEHALF OF (company who genuinely supply you stuff) this is usually a market research company who have been given your contact details by said supplier. They want you feel all fuzzy about your car, phone, bed, soup etc and so buy it more often, pay more in future or give them an archetype client profile for future advertising. This why, for example, all BT ads seem cynical, manipulative and very condescending. They are informed by the opinions of people who say yes to answering a tedious customer massage call and how that client's marketeers feel these sorts of people should be treated in order to pay more or more often.
(piggy, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 23:52, Reply)