It's all over the front page, you give me road rage
Driving to work through South West London one sunny morning, the other side of the dual carriageway is chocker, nose to tail, not going anywhere. My side is moving freely so I'm alright, Jack. Without warning, a battered Sierra estate on the other side decides he's done with queuing and does a u-turn, lurching across the central reservation and screeching out in front of me, who's hurtling along at about 60. I have to take fairly swift evasive action to avoid barrelling into him, and I flick him the V as I swerve past him on the inside. As you would. Big mistake. He and the delightful lady sitting in the passenger seat are dead ringers for Wayne and Waynetta Slob, and they do not look pleased to see me. He speeds up and starts trying to ram me. I have to call on pretty much all my Grand Theft Auto driving skillz to avoid him as he speeds up, swerves, slams the anchors on trying to ram me. This is all going on at dangerously high speed, and I know that there is only a couple of miles until the next roundabout - hopefully it's clear and I can get across. Fuckit. As I round a bend in the road, I see a queue. No no no, this won't do, I'm going to have to stop, he's going to get out and wrench my door off with pure animal strength and then he's going to pull me from my car and beat me to a pulp in front of loads of other drivers that will doubtless stay in their cars with the doors locked instead of coming to my rescue. I drive as far as I can, and then I have to stop. He's a couple of cars behind, and in my rear view mirror I watch him get out, storm towards me (like the dinosaur in Jurassic Park) gnashing his teeth and shouting some very rude words very loudly. Clunk. I lock the doors. I sit tight, looking straight ahead, shades on, as he starts to punch the bejaysus out of the driver's side window. He hits it really hard. He's hitting it so hard that there's blood and skin on it, but it holds firm. I had no idea that the window on a 1989 Citroen BX could be so tough. He leaps onto the bonnet and starts jumping up and down like a deranged monkey on crystal meth, his furious face just a few inches from mine. The expletives are coming thick and fast, and spittle lashes the windscreen. I don't think I've ever seen anyone quite so angry before. Then, I notice that the cars in front of me have pulled away, so I seize my chance. I lurch forward and slam the brakes on, throwing monkeyman onto the tarmac. I'm able to swerve round him and leg it off to safety before he can pick himself up and get back in his shitmobile. Lucky lucky escape. These days I do my utmost to resist the temptation to abuse other drivers, however wrong they are. It's just not wirth the risk.

P.s. I didn't wet myself.
(se8card, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:14, 15 replies)

bastard
Should have run the cunt over amd claimed self defence.
(Wagane, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:26, closed)

Whilst he was on the bonnet
you should have squirted your windscreen washers at him for comedy effect.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:32, closed)

Hahahahahaha THIS, HARD.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:34, closed)

Not a nice situation
Why is it all the mouth-breathers do silly things in cars, then get annoyed when you sound your horn or gesticulate that you're unhappy when they've nearly killed you?

I take the attitude that if they've gotten out, they will either damage the car, or me if I'm still in it. If it's not safe to just drive off, I sometimes just get out, stand there and wait 'till they come up shouting. Then punch the fuckers once in the throat as hard as I can. You have to make sure there's no witnesses around, but if you've got the speed and strength they'll go down like a sack of spuds.

( A few well aimed blows will keep them down if you're worried about retribution ).
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:40, closed)

You drive
a Honda Accord AICMFP
( Kroney, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:47, closed)

pffft

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:49, closed)

No, thank God
But am a rather large exponent of Tang Soo Do.

I didn't train from the age of 8 to let wankers on the road frighten me.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:53, closed)

Come off it
If someone mentions Honda Accords everytime there's a decent story, that's original and makes people laugh, then QOTW will get pretty dull, pretty quickly.

I really enjoyed that.
(Abercadabra looks more like Gerry Adams every day, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:54, closed)

Thanks
I've a fair few tales of putting enraged drivers in their place, but daren't tell them here for fear of
a) It looks like I'm boasting (I'm not - I think they are funny)
b) Being flamed
c) Being caught!
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 11:57, closed)

Wow.
You're really hard and cool.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:05, closed)

Actually...
Being bigger than someone, and having trained in Karate for over 36 years doesn't make you hard. Some martial artists I know are too soft for their own good, even if they are bigger and more proficient than me.

Being able to switch off sympathy for threatening low-life is my forte, however. Anyone who is slightly capable of defending themselves can easily win a fight if they've got the conviction, and aren't afraid to hurt someone.

It's certainly not cool at the time though. Cool is when Master Loke took 10 guys down in a pub when set upon, and refused to talk about it because "he lost his temper" and "was ashamed".
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:30, closed)

I'm sure that's all very impressive, but you appear to have misjudged your target audience.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 16:02, closed)

Boobies
How's that?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 7:40, closed)

that was me!
and im gunna fucking get ya! i no wer you live ans set my pit biull on ya then you piss yourself yuppie noen gives me the fingers
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 23:31, closed)

jokes..

(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 27 Apr 2010, 23:31, closed)