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This is a question Cars

"Here in my car", said 80s pop hero Gary Numan, "I feel safest of all". He obviously never shared the same stretch of road as me, then. Automotive tales of mirth and woe, please.

(, Thu 22 Apr 2010, 12:34)
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Back just after Christmas in 1996 when I owned a clapped out old Fiat
I had just been over at a mates house in Barnet (London), pizza, a few drinks and a couple of films, a nice and cheap way to spend a Saturday night. I had driven over and had been drinking beer, so I stayed over and slept on the couch.

Waking up the next day and feeling a bit groggy, I was alarmed when I couldn't find my carkeys in my jeans pocket, nor were they on the coffee table in the lounge. A quick search of the house yielded no clue as to their whereabouts. I went to check outside to see if I had dropped them somewhere, and found to my great annoyance that I had managed to lock them in the car. Balls.

I wasn't too concerned however, as my mate was a bit of a car expert, and claimed that he could get into a car no problem with no more than a coat hanger (still not sure if this is possible). So nipping back inside I explained the problem. "No problem" he says, and disappears coming back with a wire coat hanger. Out we go to the car, and he procedes to try and wedge the coathanger in the door.

After about 10minutes its clear that he is not getting anywhere, and he gives up. "Call the AA" he says. At the time fortunately I was a member, so I give them a ring, and they tell me they'll be there in 20minutes. Nothing to do then apart from have a quick cup of tea and wait for the man in the high-vis jacket.

20minutes later, the AA turn up, and I sheepishly explain the problem. "No problem" says the AA man, and disappears into his van and pulls out a screwdriver'esque object for fiddling with the lock. In my hungover state however I have managed to forget that on New Years Eve had decided to give me the present of half a tube of superglue in all of my door locks- rendering the screwdriver do-wacky totally useless. The AA man, slightly put out, tells me I'll have to get it towed to a garage where they can take the window out/door off. This is terrible news- being just after Christmas I was totally broke and there was no way I could afford this sort of thing- and I needed my car to get to work so it needed fixing!

In was pretty pissed at this point- the apathy of the hangover being replaced with sheer annoyance at the situation, and in a flash of anger, and needing something to do, proceeded to start kicking the door of the car with as much fury as my hungover body could muster.

At this point I realised that there was a tapping on my shoulder, and I turned round to find a member of the Territorial Army coming back from the centre up the road. "Any reason you're kicking that car mate?" he asks. I quickly explained the situation to him. "No problem" he says, walks up to the car, turns and rubs his leg against the door. Then he pulled on the handle, and the door swung wide open!

"Wow!" I said, "How the hell did you do that?"
"Ah" he replied sagely, "Khaki trousers".

(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:22, 2 replies)
If only that pun hadn't been done in pictoral form four posts earlier

(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 12:28, closed)

Dammit took me too long to write it- how annoying
(, Tue 27 Apr 2010, 14:45, closed)

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