I'm having a wank! You're having a laugh?
It was a bright sunny day. I'd woken mid-morning, as was my custom, and I thought I'd begin the day by relaxing in a gentleman's way and making the most of my natural morning glory.

I conjoured some filthy thoughts, and commenced. As I was approaching the point of no return, tongue out of the corner of my mouth and peculiar expressions aplenty, my bedroom door burst open.

Standing there, open mouthed and shocked, were two of my housemates. Immediately I was struck by the horror of the situation and I wanted a hole to open up and swallow me (fnarr!). Fortunately though, I retained my presence of mind. Aware that if I showed my embarrassment my life would be made excruciatingly cringeworthy for months, I gave a cheery wave and said "Alright lads, just wanking myself frigid. You couldn't give us a minute could you?"

They left, and although regularly brought up, I wasn't laughed at but with, and my status as cool, unashamed and unflappable (if only people knew the truth!) was preserved a little longer.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 3 Jun 2010, 14:08, 1 reply)

Unashamed and...
Unflappable, but apparently not unfwappable.
(flimflam_machine, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 14:36, closed)