Hands Up!
At the time and recently divorced after 15 faithfull (cough) years, and hanging on to my 30's, it was therefore required to get back out on the scene - according to my mates.

Yep - shake off the Miami Vice rolled up jacket and pull on some jeans with a t shirt. I couldnt believe you could go out missing a pair of polished shoes and a shirt with a collar! Happy days!

A few outs and im up to my turtle neck in flange.

Bang. Out you go, minus underwear (to add to my trophy cabinet) and the next one in. Terrible time, boys, really - i was knackered!

After a few months, I settle on two of them, but could not decide between them! How to choose? Bum, Breast or BJ?

Well it happends that 'Breast' was out with her girlie friends for dinner, whilst 'Bum' was free. Great! 'Bum' out with my mates, who knew about both, and great fun........ Until, 'Breast' turned up in the same Club with her friends.

Of course at this time 'Breasts' and 'Bum' had never met and thought we were exclusive.

Oopps! Mates gather round and try and hide me whilst i am snogging the face off 'arse' but 'breasts' had spotted me!

All kinds of verbals, which would shock my solicitor, developed, but, even a lying bastard has to sleep, so i took 'bum' home. All very nice, but questions asked, as in "who the fuckkin hell was that and why does she have a problem with me and your tonsils?"
This issue was quickly resolved by chucking my man meat in her gob.

Job done, but i felt awful - too much Malibu!

'Bum' goes home, without knickers of course - and sticks to the cab seat, but thats another story. What i didnt know was that one of my 'mates' had swapped numbers with 'tits' and 'bum', obviously hoping for a fall out and he (wanker) would pick up the loser of this battle.

'Tits' and 'Bum' therefore spoke to each other over the weekend - i imagine they were ticking the boxes and saying how magnificent i was, but no they were planning to fuck me up big time!

They did. The coin came down heads, so im now married to 'tits'. (False which ex hubby paid for)

Bugger.

She still does ,,,,,,
(Suck it and Sea, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 22:23, Reply)