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This is a question Caught!

MJPerry asks: Masturbating, stealing, making the cat dance... when did someone catch you doing something you wanted to remain secret?

(, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 14:01)
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Long story...bear with it. She did last night...
Fuck me sideways, sometimes I never make my life easy. The fairly epic story starts Wednesday a few years back.

The day had been sweet: met my friend, lets call her E after her final exam, went to lunch, had some drinks, an afternoon of pretty great sex and onto the pub. Now an important note her is that 7.30pm next morning I was catching a flight to Mexico from Heathrow. I was currently in Oxford...it's ok, don't drink too much and catch the first train there: simple.

Things are never straightforward. To cut a long story slightly shorter, went out for a fag, came back in and caught E trying to eat the face off my mate. Not so fun, as far as I was concerned we kinda had a thing. Took the mature response and got absolutely shitfaced.

Fate threw me another curve ball as all my stuff was back at E's college room. Joy. So, hammered and pissed off, I half walked, half carried E back to hers to grab my stuff. Thing about Oxford colleges is that a lot of them have scan card security. This was no exception and I couldn't get out as E had hers with her. Ended up having to throw my bags over a wall, climb a tree and coordinate getting over the wall reasonably successfully, whilst not being caught by security. Finally got to the station, train to heathrow. Have you any idea what it is like to vomit in a Firt Great Western toilet at 4 in the morning? I personally feel that it is a rich, cultural experience that not enough people partake in.

Check in at the airport still drunk. Flight to Madrid was fine I guess, except for the spewing. I tell you what though, when you are calling God on the great steel telephone at 35,000 ft, you certainly get the impression you are a lot closer to him answering. Flight to Miami was delayed, and since American airports don't count as international territory, had to Immigrate to transfer. Missed my flight. Queued for another ticket, and was issued one with 20 mins to get across the airport and through all the security checks.

Shit. Was running round and to this day still unsure how this happened. Next thing I heard was a yelled shout, and I thought, hey, at least if I miss my flight I can see someone being arrested. And yup, you've guessed it: it was me. There were several large men with guns trained on me: apparently an exhausted, sweaty, dirty British national running for a flight is some fucking goddam threat to their precious ideals of national security. So i was arrested by the land of the free and the brave. Bag gone, marched to a side room where i was questioned by 2 very nice officials as to why I felt there was a hurry. When a quiet explaination of my situation prompted a search, I got a little pissed off. This only lead to more questions of whether I was on drugs and should I be?

Hey its fine - I never wanted a holiday.

Homeland security have no sense of humour. Oh and never ask for an apology: It doesn't go down well.

No apologies for length. Not big enough to have to apologies...
(, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 9:13, 2 replies)
ahh the good old usa.
I generally want to avoid that place these days. considering it was once my dream to move. then 9/11 happened, afghan, iraq, bush etc. Place got a bit pathetic and I aint interested anymore.

My friend had a yank over from the southern states. We were in a city in Spain and there was a small protest outside a church against homophobic people. She was absolutely gobsmacked that such a thing would be allowed to happen! Hmm home of the land and free is it in america? Yeah right! Also they bleep out words like 'gun' in songs too on the radio! haha fails
(, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 13:08, closed)
When you are calling God on the great steel telephone at 35,000 ft, you certainly get the impression you are a lot closer to him answering
Heh heh heh heh
(, Sat 5 Jun 2010, 17:42, closed)

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