Splodge
First year in Comprehensive school, and we were made to do Religious Education. Not only was this the most boring subject on the timetable, but we had to walk about a million miles across town to the old Grammar School building, a huge red brick victorian structure, reminiscent of the bastard offspring of a workhouse and a cotton mill. The classrooms inside this place were huge - not in a distance-beween-the-walls huge, but from floor to ceiling must have been 18 feet. (the acoustics in the bogs were fantastic, too, but that's for when QOTW deals with either Karaoke or Fireworks).
Anyway, the R.E class was arranged with all the clever pupils at the front, where Mr Abbot (good name!) could interact with them, while all the unmotivated slackers were at the back, where we couldn't hear him, and he couldn't hear us. Naturally, enterprising 11-year-olds will always find ways to entertain themselves, and I'd discovered that the covers of the R.E. Excercise books, which were made of a bright orange cardboard type stuff would, if chewed for a bit, and launched with a ruler, adhere to the ceiling very well. This went on for a number of weeks, in fact the ceiling above my seat was starting to resemble the constellations of the vast heavens as the kids either side of me caught on to the game and joined in with their own contributions in different colours.
So I came up with my master plan - I would make the biggest ceiling splodge in the world, thus assuring myself fame and notoriety for ever. I collected all the covers off the excercise books I could, and 'acquired' the ultimate launching system - one of the super springy metal rulers from the woodwork room - and set myself to work at the start of a 2 hour double R.E. lesson.
An hour and 45 minutes later I was ready - I had a lump of soggy chewed cardboard the size of a softball. I balanced it on the end of the uber ruler, alerted my mates with a sotto voce "watch this one!" and prepared to launch. As I released the pent up tension in the ruler, Mr Abbot turned round and, in a loud voice, asked me what I was doing. Everything went into super-slow-motion, the whole class turned round to see what he was on about, the ruler returned to its natural straight shape, and the huge, soggy orange mass rose, ever so slowly, into the air. It seemed to take about 5 minutes to reach the ceiling, where it gently embraced the smooth white surface and, defying gravity, slowly spread itself out into a lovely splodge with a dangly bit in the middle, nestled amongst a months' worth of its lesser peers.
The ruler, in the meantime, did what any ruler would do when placed across the edge of a desk and twanged, but, being a *metal* ruler it was a lot louder, and went on for a lot longer, than usual. Combined with the acoustic qualities of the cavernous room, it was *LOUD*. I think that was what saved me, as the noise distracted Mr Abbot from the orange splodge overhead (he hadn't seen it, as he wasn't operating in super-slow-motion like me). Over he came, and confiscated the ruler. And, while he was standing there giving me a bollocking for being a noisy, disuptive little scroat, the dangly bit parted company with the rest of the orange splode and landed on his back. He didn't notice, but everyone else did. For the rest of the day. For Mr Abbot had his own sense of fashion and wore a white jacket. With, now, a big orange stripe down the back.

Length? the splodge was still on the ceiling 2 years later… and I got a detention, and a bollocking from the woodwork teacher for pinching the ruler.
( Spherix, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 10:15, 3 replies)

I once ruler-fired a banana skin across a classroom just before a lesson started
but misjudged and sent it up to the ceiling, where it wrapped round a rafter and stuck on.

All through the lesson, we kids expected it to fall on the teacher's head, but it didn't, not that day or the next, or indeed any day of the next 3 years I spent at school.

The skin dried onto the beam for all to see and was presumably still there when the beams were boxed in during modernisation years later.

My own kids went to the same school, with the banana skin secretly watching over them from its cosy nest in the roof.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 11:16, closed)

Slice of cucumber
I did similar with a slice of cucumber at North Lincs College about 20 years ago, I am sure thats still there too!!
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 11:39, closed)

I used to do the same thing
when I worked at Subway
(ElGranto, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 0:33, closed)