Chocoholic Fiend
About 11 or 12 years ago, I was a young Ghost, and a bit of a chocoholic fiend, often chowing down on as much chocolate as possible, to my parents horror and my glee. I was also one of those insufferably thin kids who never got fat, despite many pies and choccy bars being shoved in my gob at an almost continual rate.

So it was one Easter that for some reason, my parents decided to get the entire family (6 of us kids, ranging in ages from 7 to mid twenties, and the two parents) a load of chocolate eggs. We had these divided up among us, so we ended up with something like three eggs each. Christ only knows what prompted this display of generosity, considering we normally got an egg each and we had to buy it ourselves, so this was unheard of. Alas, due to my own stupidity, this was the only display of generosity around Easter since the following events.

We all started off with an egg each, and then everyone bar me decided to save their eggs for later. I ate my three eggs, two of them in secret in my room, away from everyone else, and in a case of cunning bastardry that wouldn't be matched until I went to the local comprehensive (or high school, for the Merkins) a year or so later, but that's another story entirely, I managed to steal my younger brothers eggs when he hid them away in his room. Granted, he hid everything in the same spot, assuming that I didn't know about it, and as he was only 7, it was fairly obvious (under his bed, under a coat, if anyone cares).

I ate the two remaining eggs, and then put the packaging back together to make it look like it was untouched, or at least, tried to do it as best I could. I fucked off outside to play a game of football with my brothers, one of the few family things we all do together, before returning inside a few hours later. I then helped myself to my next eldest brothers chocolate eggs, and repeated the trick of putting the packaging back together again. Yes, I was a little shit, but I didn't care as long as I got the chocolate.

By now I'd eaten about seven easter eggs, as well as playing a game of football, and was starting to feel the effects of too much chocolate. So I toddled off to play a bit of Final Fantasy 7 and have a general rest and a sit-down and to recover. Alas, it was not to be. Having been sat down for about ten minutes, my parents announced that we were going to McDonalds for dinner. I left Final Fantasy 7 on, as it was in the middle of a cutscene and couldn't save it, and waddled down the stairs to go out to the car, feeling distinctly uncomfortable. A faint sheen of sweat covered my entire face, my mum later remarked, and I looked remarkably like a priest in a playground. I bundled myself into my parents car, along with my younger brother, whilst all my elder siblings bundled into the other car, and we set off, convoy-style.

One thing I forgot to mention is that I get easily car-sick. It usually starts in five minutes, and lasts for hours after I get out of the car, so I hate traveling by car. Half an hour later, we reach McDonalds, me looking like death warmed up, and I scramble out of the car, and stand for all of two seconds in the car park before lavishly throwing up all over the carpark.

I'm pretty sure my parents instantly twigged what I'd done, or at least, knew roughly what I'd done, when pure chocolate just spewed out of my mouth, in some kind of crazy human chocolate fondue fountain recreation. After throwing up heroic quantities of chocolate, my parents decided I'd recovered enough and collared me, where I quickly 'fessed up, and as a result, got no dinner and was later set upon by my siblings for stealing their chocolate eggs.

Totally worth it though.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 13:18, 11 replies)

You usually had to buy your own Easter eggs?
Who the fuck are your parents? Mr. and Mrs. Jock McStingy?
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 13:31, closed)

My parents
are fucking weird, to put it simply.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 13:54, closed)

bugger that
i'm 35, i still get an easter egg every year. my parents get ordinary ones for my brother and sisters, but i get a dark chocolate one as i'm the only one who likes the stuff.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 13:39, closed)

try the After Eight eggs if you like mint as well as dark chocolate
fucking awesome
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 13:48, closed)

That sounds fucking awesome indeed

(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 13:55, closed)

they are delicious

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 14:06, closed)

Lucky you
I've been buying my own easter eggs for the last 6 years. Still, it does mean I can now scoff as much chocolate as I want to without getting a kicking from siblings.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 13:56, closed)

we get them
because we bitch and moan if wqe don't
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 14:07, closed)

Whoa...
You can actually get dark chocolate eggs?

I've gotta try those after eight ones...
( snee held his breath since, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 14:49, closed)

there are a few varieties
although they tend to be a fair bit more expensive than the milk chocolate variety
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 15:24, closed)

Likewise, all the eggs were eaten before Easter (five of them)
that were under the parent's bed, the dog was blamed
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 14:07, closed)