A how to guide to wind up Camden's favorite crackhead
If you happen to visit Camden Town you’re more than likely to encounter that pikey scumbag druggy conehead, Amy Winehouse and her posse of annoying hipster hanger-ons, buzzing round her like the proverbial flies round shit.

I’ve had a few pub encounters with this crack-tacular knob head in the years I’ve lived in North London. And I can say without doubt the best way to turn our dearest Amy into a raging, spitting, seething mass of rediculous hair, shit tattoos with the accompanying sort of verbal assault that’d make a nun’s hair turn white in a milisecond is to do the following-

Wait until she’s absolutely falling over shitfaced (usually round the Good Mixer at about 11pm; any night of the week). Allow her time to stagger out - silently count to ten in your head - and when you follow after her she's absouletly guarenteed to be having a little sit down rest on the pavement (usually near the comic book shop a few doors down). Leisurely walk past her while similtaniously reaching into your pocket. And then casually toss a couple of 10 pence pieces into her lap while commenting to your mates: “Terrible thing, this homeless problem."

Absolutely guarenteed to get the mental bitch pissing blood and giving you a crash course in new, interesting and downright flamboyant swear words, this is.

Caution: Remember to wind Amy Winehouse up responsibly. Never attempt to do this unless you're wearing running shoes – that girl can run suprisingly fast when she builds up a head of steam.

Must be all the chemicals.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 17:17, 6 replies)

Or, don't wear running shoes
Allow her to beat you up, sell your story to Max Clifford, and retire to Minehead (Minehead as I don't expect you'd make enough to go abroad).

She goes to jail, so has a steady supply of drugs, you get money, Max Clifford does whatever he does that gets his name in the paper after every celebrity scandal.

We're all happy.
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Wed 14 Oct 2009, 17:36, closed)

i still dont get the whole 'lets ridicule the smelly junkie' attitiude...
...on here these days. i'm not having a go at you mate - it is an amusing prank pitched against a pissed up celeb, its just some of the comments on here lately...

some of the bile directed at people with addictions is, to be frank, the sort of thing you'd expect from people arseholes reading the daily mail down the local golf club

i know a fair few people who have ended up on junk. they all have a back story and none that i know started off as cunts, a few ended up dead cunts though

but why is this place turning into some sort of rotary club
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 20:09, closed)

Going ... going ... still bloody going ...
So why isn't Winehouse dead yet? She's letting down thousands of dead pool ticket holders across the country.
(ubergeekian, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 21:30, closed)

Whinehouse Shminhouse...
what about the Thatcher lizard still refusing to do the decent thing and fucking die.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:53, closed)

'Take a note of that,Darling. I'd like to use it in conversation'.
'The Thatcher lizard' - genius!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 0:23, closed)

Spimf
Couldn't agree more, mate. I know a fair few people myself who've struggled with drug addiction of one sort or another.

But this so-called saviour of music is just not a very nice person regardless of what's pumping through her veins. When you go out for a quiet pint after a hard day at work the last thing you need is to deal with her prima donna antics on account of the fact that shitty Rehab song is piped through crappy speakers in Asda when you do the weekly shop. She's just a bit of a git. I know a mate who used to know her before she was famous and apparently she's always been that way. A git. Just nice to bring the big people down for the sake of 20p every now and again. Cheers.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 9:37, closed)