clubbing
A couple of weeks back, a couple of days before my birthday, my friend and I went out clubbing locally. He had rather too much to drink before going out. At the best of times he is known for saying wildly inappropriate things, so I was naturally quite wary that chugging 6 cans of Strongbow in 30 minutes on an empty stomach, before moving on to a pub and then the club itself, drinking more and more as he went may not be the ideal thing for him to be doing.

Fortunately the clubbing went down without a hitch. We both danced rather a lot and when 2:30am arrived we sidled out with the rest of the club where we stood on the roadside, a fairly large amassing of us, pissed and mostly smoking as people stood around talking or waited for taxis.

I had made a 'friend' earlier in the night - which is to say, as I walked from the toilets back to the dance floor, a girl started grinding me; which, obviously, was reciprocated. As I came out, we saw each other and chatted.

At this point my friend sidled up alongside me, took one look at her and delivered the most immortal line I've ever heard come out of his mouth directed at a woman. One which I've heard him telling me about various people multiple times, but which I had never expected him to tell someone.

"I want to cum on your tits," he slurred.

It was only when several people started shouting at him that he should fuck off did he realise that the swift exit I'd wanted to make had been ideal.
(ratthingbazzterd, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 1:49, Reply)