Valentines Card
The classic lovesick teenager move. I had a monumental crush on a guy in my German class in year 9 (so... age 13/14). At my school, you took French as standard, then in year 9 if you were deemed particularly gifted at languages, you had the option of taking German as well, and your language classes would be half and half. This guy was a New Zealander and had moved to the UK that year, and was in the class as he had only every studied German, so he got to sit the French half of the class out. I've always been a bit of a sucker for a kiwi accent, plus he had a gorgeous smile, a slight tan and highlights in his hair a la Grant Nicholas from Feeder (who I also had a monumental crush on at the time). He sat next to me, and apart from forced German dialogue, never spoke a word to him. The only thing I knew about him was that he was a Britney Spears fan, as his planner was plastered in pictures of her and descriptions of what he would like to do to her. This really should have been an indicator that we weren't going to be compatible, but oh well. Pretty much every girl he's dated since has been a blonde, slim, tanned, Britney-a-like, and let's face it, I'm not.

I decided to make my move on Valentines Day. I've always been of an artistic bent, so I spent every evening of the week beforehand lovingly sketching and shading a cartoony pic of us in a tender embrace, and inside, in my bestest best handwriting, transcribed the lyrics to The Beatles' "I Wanna Hold Your Hand"... in German. This was because our teacher had played us a recording of this a couple of week's previously, and as I'd only ever spoken to him in German, I figured it would work. I formulated my plan carefully - being a teenager, of course, this involved my friend giving it to him. The classroom was organised in a ring of tables, and there would always be a bit where every other person in the room would move one space clockwise, so you'd have a new partner to practice with, and this was repeated until you got back to your original seat. My friend was sat a few spaces to the right and would be his partner at some point suring this process, so I gave her the card with strict instructions to pass it to him without a word or any expression at all. And not to tell anyone else, of course. She was fantastic and kept her word, and the exchange was made. My heart fluttered as he made his way back to his seat.

Nothing. Nothing happened. I heard a few weeks later that he had given the card to his sister to tear up as he felt bad about doing it himself (?!).

Looking back, I now realise that probably; a) he didn't understand a word of the card (he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box) and b) he may well have thought the card was from my mate, as in cartoon form we looked pretty similar. Except I had a bigger rack.
( useful_idiot, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 21:34, 2 replies)

you had to
mention the boobs didnt you?
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 11:27, closed)

Wouldn't be a proper b3ta post without them!

( useful_idiot, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:17, closed)