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This is a question Cheap Tat

OneEyedMonster remindes us about the crap you can buy in pound shops: "Batteries that lasted about an hour and then died. A screwdriver with a loose handle so I couldn't turn the damn screw, and a tape measure which wasn't at all accurate."

Similarly, my neighbour bought a lawnmower from Argos that was so cheap the wheels didn't go round, it sort of skidded over the grass whilst gently back-combing it.

What's the cheapest, most useless crap you've bought?

(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 7:26)
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Cheap Bike
In my financially challenged youth, I once bought a bike from a classified ad in the local freesheet. After a few days the back brake stopped working, but since the front brake still worked fine I wasn't too bothered (Can you guess where this is going?).

I used to use this bike to get to and from work, and to go home at lunchtime since the dysentery on offer from the work canteen didn't appeal. I lived in a quiet village, and there was rarely any traffic in the middle of the day. I'd got into the habit of barely slowing down at a blind t-junction en-route (You can definitely guess where this is going!).

Anyway, one day late as usual, I was heading back to work as fast as my hairy little legs could carry me. I approached the junction, gave a feather-light touch to the brakes and casually glanced left.

There was a car coming.

I slammed on both brakes so hard I probably left finger marks in the brake levers. The back break did nothing, the front brake gripped the wheel harder than a pikey gripping his dole cheque.

Over the handlebars I go. Amazingly I managed to execute a perfect somersault and land on my feet. Had there been judges watching, all would have held up cards with 10 written on them.

"Well, that's didn't go too badly," thinks I, "That was actually kind of cool".

I didn't guess where it was going.

The bike saddle hit me on the back of the head, and the cheap cast iron bike frame came crashing down on me, propelling me into the path of the oncoming car. Thankfully the driver had decent reflexes, so my only injuries were grazed palms and bruised dignity.

Length? Just over a metre and made of cast iron.
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 10:01, 3 replies)
cast iron!!!
Bloody hell. Thats one HEAVY bike you had there!!!
(, Sat 5 Jan 2008, 12:48, closed)
I like your style. Fairly eloquent sir :D
(, Sun 6 Jan 2008, 0:23, closed)
gripped harder than a pikey gripping his dole cheque
Never a truer word spoken ...
(, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 11:40, closed)

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