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This is a question Cheap Tat

OneEyedMonster remindes us about the crap you can buy in pound shops: "Batteries that lasted about an hour and then died. A screwdriver with a loose handle so I couldn't turn the damn screw, and a tape measure which wasn't at all accurate."

Similarly, my neighbour bought a lawnmower from Argos that was so cheap the wheels didn't go round, it sort of skidded over the grass whilst gently back-combing it.

What's the cheapest, most useless crap you've bought?

(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 7:26)
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I never do cheap tat
I can’t, I have an aversion created by a Mum who watched every single penny. She also insisted on telling me the cost of every mouthful of food she’s ever given me. Dinner time would go like this...

Me: Oh! Sprouts!? A great big pile of sprouts. (the one and only food I don’t like)
Mum: Yes, and only 10p for 5lbs and you’ll never guess how much the mince cost
Me: That grey stuff is mince is it? I don’t know, how much?
Mum: 50p! they where about to through it away!
Me: What’s for pudding?
Mum: A LOVELY banana.

Now here’s a thing, when my mum says ‘LOVELY’ in that forcible way, what she actually means is – I’ve picked up something beyond the point of human consumption, probably for nothing, and you will eat it.

And if we did get food that wasn’t half rotten left overs from the market it would be a something like a box of 500 ‘Economy Burgers’…that’s what they were called Mmm Mmm Mmm lovely tasty fried Economy. Don’t think this was because we were poor, we weren’t particularly well off but we weren’t poor.

So now I’m all grown and responsible I’m a fantastic cook and eat like a king every day. If I do eat something like a burger, I’ll make it myself, from ground beef I made myself. Eggs come form the chickens in the garden which are fed on feed I make up myself. I have an almost pathological need for every morsel I eat to be fashioned from the finest freshet ingredients. And when my dear dear mother comes round for dinner every mouthful tastes like ashes to her.

Mum: So, how much is Monk Fish?
Me: I don’t know
Mum: Roughly how much…would you say.
Me: I don’t know I don’t look at the prices.
Mum: The Asparagus?
Me: Yes it’s lovely isn’t it, just a few minutes in hot oven, olive oil, seasoning…so much better that steaming don’t think?
Mum: Expensive is it?

And that’s just the food. Oh the joy of going to school in trousers that were 3 inches too short – Only 2 pounds though.
(, Tue 8 Jan 2008, 14:12, 8 replies)
Kick her in the tits
No seriously, tell her:

"Mum, every time you ask me how much something I cook for you cost, I will kick you in the tits."

She'll only do it once.
(, Tue 8 Jan 2008, 14:20, closed)
her behaviour results in you ending up with a larger inheritance to spend on good food...
(, Tue 8 Jan 2008, 16:22, closed)
I know how you feel....
....My Dad was forever cutting back and trying to save us money. One of his worst ventures was making his own bread. He was crap at it and subsequently made us door stop wedge sandwiches with jam in to take to school. They were dry and nasty looking on were always ditched on the way to school to avoid embarassment.
He also used to buy packs of about 100 `pork' sausages from the freezer shop for about £2.00. They tasted okay I suppose but they were mainly fat and bread and very little pork.

I never buy cheap food products now and I'm really looking forward to a lovely M&S aberdeen angus steak tonight.

Oh the joy!
(, Tue 8 Jan 2008, 16:23, closed)
pmsl @ M&S steak.....
Soozysooz try visiting a real butcher and see what steak you can get for the price of your intended M&S meat.

M&S food is comparably no different to any other premium supermarket brand. In many cases the exorbitant price far outweighs the mediocre quality.
(, Tue 8 Jan 2008, 17:13, closed)
Try this...
Next time your mother comes round for dinner, serve everyone else the typical fare in your home (which, I'll admit, sounds pretty fecking good), but dish her up the old shite she used to put in front of you. If she doesn't remark on it, then great, you save a few quid on a palate that wouldn't know the difference. If she pipes up on it, explain that you were concerned with the possible cost of her meal and didn't want her worrying. If she bitches about yours, tell her EXACTLY how much it costs. Go out of your way to work out the price of your plate and categorise each section. Do so with a smug expression, and chew every mouthful even more slowly, rub it in a little.

Sorry, I'm bitter, I know how you feel. Thankfully, I'm in a similar boat. Don't exactly have me own chickens or whatnot, and me ma's not exactly a penny-pincher, just a sucker for a bargain, but yeah...

Sorry about those trousers.

What? Someone had to say it.
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 3:31, closed)
Until you said you were "grown and responsble",
I thought you were me. It's nice to know other mums like mine.

It's also nice to have The Good Life's theme tune in my head.
PS: *click*
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 7:56, closed)
Sounds Like My (late) Dad
His favourite game was, "Guess how much I paid for this." That's right, no question mark, because it wasn't a request.

"I don't know" or "Who cares?" were not acceptable answers. Sad and boring.

I finally figured out the winning move:
"Guess how much I paid for this television."
"25 cents"
"No, really."
"A dollar."
As long as you guess absurdly low, the actual price comes as an anticlimax. Result.
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 14:05, closed)
Thank God I come from an Italian family
We may have had hand-me-down clothes, but always ate great. There is no excuse for eating crap. Me, I don't look at the price tag either. Your chicken set up sounds SWEET!

I vote for kicking your mom in the tits.
Or at least being REALLY rude to her.
Open a can of dog food and put it on her plate.
"That cost fifty seven cents Mom! DIG IN!"
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 19:42, closed)

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