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This is a question Cheap Tat

OneEyedMonster remindes us about the crap you can buy in pound shops: "Batteries that lasted about an hour and then died. A screwdriver with a loose handle so I couldn't turn the damn screw, and a tape measure which wasn't at all accurate."

Similarly, my neighbour bought a lawnmower from Argos that was so cheap the wheels didn't go round, it sort of skidded over the grass whilst gently back-combing it.

What's the cheapest, most useless crap you've bought?

(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 7:26)
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Secret Santa'a reminds me of last Xmas where we had a Secret Santa in my local pub. As luck would have it, I drew my ex-brother-in-law. As the limit was a quid, I had to be a bit inventive to come up with something decent.

So I trawled the net and downloaded a bunch of Certificate Templates. Then I adapted one and gave it to him via Secret Santa.

It read:

To Davy XXXX - The Bigot's Bigot award for services to Xenophobia 2006.

He absolutely loved it and it now hangs in pride of place.

Now even though he's a bigot, he's a fair bigot. He hates *everyone* not born a Northumbrian. In his eyes, anyone South of Newcastle is a Frenchman.

He keeps a special place in his heart for his hatred of Gays, but, oddly enough, not the Gays from the village. Because:

"They might be puffs but they're our puffs. Northumbrians. Not like shandy-drinking-southern-puffs"

(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 6:33, 7 replies)
Me old team in work did a Secret Santa....
...and we had to receive these presents at the Xmas Do venue which was Cafe Mambo. We took up half the resteraunt/club and were having to keep the peace at this point as we were "representing the company". That was until Neil got his present from me which was confusing him more and more as he took more wrapping off.

Twas a bunch of bananas, some condoms and some squeezy cheese.

The next day in work he ate all the cheese, sent me an email saying he was going to buy some more on the way home from work too as it was lovely.

I had a Kronemberg Beer set. Um....oops?
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 6:44, closed)
This christmas i had to
buy the office chav a present up to £5 in value, she burst into tears when she unrapped a burberry hat.

*Edit* Clicks
*Edit Edit* We dont drink shandy down south, mainly bucks fiz.
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 8:34, closed)
The guy I got this year got a giant gift wrapped box full of 15 euro of loose bread. And a pack of pencils (Loose in with the bread of course)
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 9:12, closed)
Wasn't a very Secret Santa then, was it? =D
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 10:50, closed)
"they might be puffs..."
reminds me of when a friend of mine decided to come out (yes, *that* friend from the desperate times QOTW) and he was really worried about telling our extremely northern, rugby mad (league, not union) friend.

He finally plucked up the courage, stuutering and panicking blurted out "would it surprise you to know that I'm gay?" Said mate just took a swig of his pint, looked him in the eye and said "for christ's sake, we do have poofters up north, you know". It's mich funnier said in a really broad northern accent.

I'll stop now, I'm boring myself.
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 13:45, closed)
I won't ask
what he thinks of those from further north than Northumbria!
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 14:10, closed)
Our Scottish Friends
Are Porridge Wogs
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 23:38, closed)

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