A Repost - B&Q Tannoy System Antics
I spent a while working in B&Q in Sutton whilst in the 6th form. After a particularly boring Saturday morning, me and one of the section managers started trying customer experiments with the tannoy system. The first announcement was:

"Will the man with the beard come to reception please"

Classic. Eight blokes with various styles of beard turn up. We tell them none of them are the right one. Next announcement:

"Will the man with the beard who looks like The Master from Doctor Who come to reception please"

Very hard to keep a straight face at this stage. Two more customers turn up at reception (one of whom had come up on the previous announcement - but thought he might look a bit like The Master). Both told despite having a passing resemblance to The Master (and beards), they are not the droids we are looking for.

Carried on this game for some time, including some crackers like:

"Will the customer who has left an mechanised automaton in the car park please come to reception"

Three people turned up "in case" ????

"Will the lady in the short skirt and high heels please come to reception"

"Will the owner of the mobility scooter currently on fire in the car park come to reception"

One petrified granny turns up on a zimmer. (felt guilty about this one)

Anyway, we got away with it for several hours till the store manager got wind of it. He went mental.
(Mandrill, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 4:09, 4 replies)

This
is brilliant.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 10:04, closed)

.
"Will the lady in the short skirt and high heels please come to reception"

Did she ?
(Madmont, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 10:15, closed)

No, but 8 blokes with beards hung around
in case she did.
(WillI'mNot logs in twice a year, every year, Tue 22 Sep 2009, 12:09, closed)

*applause*
*realises I have a beard and therefore THAT'S NOT FUNNY, YEAH?*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 23 Sep 2009, 16:44, closed)