Church band
My ultra-religious ex boss (lovely chap tho) had 4 kids. Between them, they had formed a happy clappy band, and played together every sunday at church. It was, apparently, amazing.

I know this because he told me all the time and endlessly tried to cajole me into coming. I ran out of excuses and agreed to go on a particular sunday when i would be nearby.

I turned up and met him and his family outside. I wore a suit, I didnt want to be dis-respectful. All his family seemed lovely, kids a bit creepy but I plastered on a smile and told them I was really looking forward to hearing them.

I should probably mention they were baptists, ie humourless nutjobs.

We were milling about outside, people were chatting with the minister and doing a bit of village networking, all very lovely. Eventually it was time to go in. I was ushered forward toward the door, and suddenly, I had an idea for a little joke.

As I arrived at the door, right at the threshold, I hurled myself backward, trying to look as if I had walked into some sort of invisible barrier and had been repelled. I stumbled and fell on my arse, with mock amazement and surprise. Everyone stared.

My boss came over immediately, genuinely concerned and asked what happened. I said I didnt know - and repeated the entire stunt. I stood up and said, I dont think god wants me inside.

My boss took me to one side and told me to go home. I have never seen anyone quite so unimpressed and I think there was a crying child.

I have never actually felt so bad before. The walk to the car with half the congregation watching me leave was pretty bad.

Monday morning wasnt funny though. We never really had a good relationship from that point on. So the moral is, church can ruin your friendships, dont go kids.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 14:00, 6 replies)

That is fucking outstanding.
You are a baptist-baiting slapstick master with a massive *click*
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 14:42, closed)

Humourless cunts in not laughing at themselves shocker

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 14:51, closed)

*likes*

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 15:02, closed)

How do you know that God didn’t plant the idea of the joke in you head to explain the invisible barrier he’d created to keep you out of his house, eh? EH?

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 2 Sep 2011, 15:09, closed)

Funnily enough
the same thing happens when I try to enter a nursery. Guess God doesn't want me doing that idea then....

*clicks*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 15:50, closed)

What?
Buying plants??
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 2 Sep 2011, 16:07, closed)