oh man, that liemallow cunt just deleted all those zings
when i was a student, i used to work in a pub in stockport, because it was near my day job. the locals - which randomly enough included frank gilgamesh the parrot licker as it was his local at the time - thought i was posh because i was from wilmslow. so they would all sing "common people" at me whenever i started a shift.

at 18 you're all self-conscious and shy, and a chorus of 10 rowdy northerners yelling, "if you called your dad, he could stop it all, yeah" isn't funny or annoying, it's just really humiliating.

although... you know what's even more humiliating?

when the new barmaid is something of a butterface, but is a 6' blonde with a body that would make barbie weep. and elliott, the cunt who normally leads the singing, calls you over and says,

"now look swipe, you're a pretty girl. but would you fuck off so i can get a proper look at that? phwooooooar."

elliott was a cunt.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:21, 19 replies)

Haha, fugly.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:23, closed)

yeah well
i still wouldn't do you, even with your mum's vag sliced off and strapped to my head, so.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:24, closed)

I know, I'm not your type. I've not got autism and a plastic leather jacket.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:26, closed)

but you do have a face like a pug rimming a bulldog

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:30, closed)

You're looking in the mirror again, love.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:34, closed)

oh come on, a bit of effort please
did you ask your kid for advice on that one?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:37, closed)

Sorry, my heart's not really in it today, I'm well busy.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 14:05, closed)

that's alright, tell your mum we said hi

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 14:16, closed)

^haha barmaid

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:24, closed)

maybe one day you'll make a friend and actually get to go to a pub
i doubt it, but anything can happen
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:25, closed)

^haha pub

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:26, closed)

Wait, you need friends to go to the pub now?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:35, closed)

Lies on Internet.
Nobody, ever, including your parents, can ever have described you as pretty.

You fat ginger mess.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:27, closed)

hey, i didn't say he meant it
i just said he said it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:29, closed)

he was after some free crisps

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:50, closed)

she just had really big tits
and he didn't care which one went in the wank bank
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:54, closed)

Not being racist or owt
but every single person in Stockport should be gassed or clubbed to death.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:45, closed)

in theory i agree
in practice, there are more deserving places. like redcar. or hull.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:46, closed)