Mayonnaise
Why the fuck is it impossible to buy a goddamn fucking sandwich in this country without mayonnaise already slathered all over the cunting thing? I happen to like the taste of ham and salad, but for some reason sandwich makers seem to feel the need to disguise that taste with a fucking massive dollop of what I can only describe as horse spunk. It makes me retch. It really makes me feel fucking sick. A bacon and egg baguette does not need lubricating with globulous lashings of Satan's semen, and why can't they sell little sachets of mayospooge alongside the sandwiches for the over-glandular cunts who seem incapable of shovelling food down their chubby throats without gunking it up first with this foul muck? No wonder Britain's got obesity problems, people have forgotten how to eat without first lubing up their lunch with manfat. Christ on a fucking bike.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 14:42, 11 replies)

I've got a simple rule
Don't eat it if you can't spell it...

God, I'm so fucking hungry...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 14:50, closed)

I had to check the internets for the spelling
I will admit
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 15:27, closed)

I'm delighted to discover
that other mayophobics exist. It pretty much writes off buying ANY pre-prepared sandwich. I think it's because the sandwich lasts longer in transit and storage than it would with butter. Lovely.
(d371ght back again since, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 14:55, closed)

This is the case.
It is also cheaper than butter.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 15:19, closed)

.
Yes, this. The stuff is for the most part, vile.
*click*
( speedyballbangpots, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 14:56, closed)

You could try
scraping it off.

Just a thought...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 15:10, closed)

This doesn't work
...a bit like tomato sauce or beetroot. Once it's been in the sandwich, the bread and the contents are polluted with the manfat, and scraping doesn't really help.
(d371ght back again since, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 15:25, closed)

Yes, it's impossible - mayo smears
and also the suggestion is akin to someone shitting on your dinner and then suggesting you scrape it off if you don't want it
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 15:28, closed)

its warm mayo that gets me
salady type sandwich - fine

toasted panini - satans sperm
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 10:23, closed)

If you don't like mayonnaise...
try sandwiches from a certain supermarket range. Most of the Healthy Living ones at tesco are mayo free!
(Inflatable Aardvark, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 15:46, closed)

Yes!
I have a better solution : go to supermarket, buy bread, buy filling, buy salad (just cucumber if strapped for space). Make sarnie.
(EssY, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 0:09, closed)