Dog ownership
I can sort of see why people own dogs. They are fun to have and reward you with devotion and loyalty, but to me they are just a massive pain in the arse to look after! I don't mind stroking one, or throwing a ball now and again, but that's as far as it goes for me...

1) They smell

I'm sorry but no matter how much people protest, dogs are smelly creatures. Everyone who owns a dog will smell of dog. You clothes, car, house, curtains and furnishings will all have that "dog" odour. Your garden will smell of dog shit, even if it is shovelled up quickly.

2) The effort

Walking through the park in a force 9 gale, rain lashing your face, frostbitten fingers clutching an inside-out Wharburton breadbag full of dog shit while your mongy spaniel lollops ahead. Marvellous! Going on holiday? Throw away those foreign brochures; I'm sure a wet weekend avoiding dog shit on a dog-friendly beach in Bognor will be as nice as that week in St Tropez...won't it?

3) The expense

So that cute little boxer puppy has quickly grown into a "Winalott to shit" converting machine has it? Nobody saw that coming! And vets fees? I never liked just having the one mortgage on my house anyway...

4) The charities

"Hello, I'm from the Dogs Trust, I wonder if you wouldn't mind sponsoring a...*click*..hello?...hello?"

Oh and btw - I don't mind tossing a few pence into a bucket for somebody collecting for dogs trust, but I won't be made to feel like I am personally responsible for cruelty to dogs because I am living on a budget and can't afford to sign up to a direct debit, thank you very much!

5) Leaving it locked in the kitchen while you go to work

"WOOF!! Owww..owww..........WOOF!! Owww...owwwww "WOOF!! Owww..owww......WOOF!! Owww...owwwww "WOOF!! Owww..owww......WOOF!! Owww...owwwww" ALL FUCKING DAY!!!

6) Slobber

"Aww it's just being friendly" - yeah I really love having my face being coated with a thin film of dog slobber like a scene from Alien. And people who let the dog lick their face then carry on as if nothing unsanitary has happened!! WASH YOUR FACE DAMMIT!! WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WASHES ITS ARSE WITH?

7) Chavs have them as status symbols

"YEAH! LOOK AT MY BIG SNARLY DOG ON A CHAIN! DON'T MESS WITH ME MOTHERFUCKER OR I'LL SET SADIE ON YOU!" is that the dog or your wife? I can't actually tell...

sorry :)
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 19 Oct 2009, 11:31, 7 replies)

Could you think of any bad points though?
Apart from the dog on the kitchen. The cure for that is two dogs.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 11:43, closed)

I completely agree
i completely agree with your post, im my last post i called them the animal equivalent of the moron (which my brothers dog has just proved by pissing infront of the open back door)
(hypr_like_a_monkey, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 12:15, closed)

Security
Your house is less likely to be burgled if you have a dog

...

that's - literally - the only reason I can think of to own one. Even so, I think I'd prefer a sturdy bolt and an alarm that doesn't wipe its arse on the carpet.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 12:32, closed)

got to admit
whilst i wouldn't be cruel to a dog, i really do fucking hate them, and their owners...the hatred goes into overdrive when they start treating them like children...honest to fucking god...Give me a hammer and 5 minutes, ok TEN minutes...I'll bash both their fucking brains out.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 12:32, closed)

You don't buy a dog
And bark yourself.


That's all I'm saying.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 12:39, closed)

Because..
my two dogs are worth more than 99% of the mouth breathing fuckwit retards that make up the people I have to interact with every day.

The old saying "The more people I meet, the more I like my dog"? Its true.
(CantSleepClownsWillGetMe Likes: Turtles, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 18:40, closed)

My dogs are ace, etc, and brighten my day considerably
but every word of this is true. For every moment of companionship, or humour, or whatever else they provide, there's at least one or two moments of absolute fuckwitted stupidity. And they do smell of dog - understadable, being as they are, well, dogs... But still.


*clicks*
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 19:01, closed)