Grahhhhh
“Have you seen Claire? The girl who’s looking after next door for the next two weeks yet Mon?” Asked the wife last night while I was attempting to finish another level on Bioshock
“Yup, what about her?” Came my reply.
“Don’t you think she’s attractive?” Came said the missus “She’s gorgeous, I would bed her if I was that way inclined”
I just made a non committal grunt and returned to caving a blokes head in with a wrench.
“You can see the attraction in her, god you are weird” muttered my wife, allowing me to finish my game in peace

The truth of the matter is Claire is nice, drop dead gorgeous in fact and a number of blokes on the street are falling over themselves to speak to her, I just can’t look at her without remembering the situation when I met her on Saturday night.

It was a typically dull night , the Bison household was brought to a standstill by the glorified karaoke competition that’s called the X Factor (The wife watches the show and if I make no complaints I get a chance to watch my programs midweek and also spend some time playing on the PS3 thats plugged into the only TV we have). Anywhoo I spend the next hour or so doing a few odd jobs downstairs cleaning the kitched, fixing the curtain rail back onto the wall due to an earlier incident with Bison Jnr 1 etc etc and I realise that I have to take out the rubbish. Dressed in my scruufy shirt and boxer shorts I realise that I have the option of either 1) Go back upstairs, rummage round and find a pair of jeans to wear for a whole 2 minute trip to the bins out front or 2) nip out as quick as possible and hopefully no one will notice.

I reasoned that as I live in Barnsley half the street would be either out wasting this weeks dole money on beer or sat in watching the inane drivel of Simon Cowell and co. How I now wish I had been sensible.

I ran down the path to the bin, dropped the rubbish off ,made a fast about turn and walked back to the house. It was on this trip back I saw Claire. She was sat outside next doors front door watching me while taking a quick ciggie break outside. Bugger.

“Hi, I’m Claire I’m looking after the house while B and M are away for a fortnight” She said, stubbing her cancer stick out on a nearby wall
“Hi , I’m Mon and I have to go inside” came my sheepish reply
“I know, its getting cold and I can see your cock too” Claire replied coolly
“Umm, bye” I said as I ran into the house......If I lived in a porno film that would have turned out differently

So my wife may think I don’t understand the attraction of next doors neighbour but really I just have a vision of me sat outside in a pair of ripped Batman pants every time I see her. No suitable chat up lines will work with her now she’s seen me like that.

I’m looking forward to my neighbours coming back.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:12, 7 replies)

strange intro comment from your wife
regarding the potential rug munching. she might be a bit more into it than you previously imagined. then, the off-handed, 'i can see you cock' comment from the house-sitter, sounds as though the whole thing could have potential...just don't wank yourself raw at the thought of it.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:32, closed)

Erm
I actually put the comment made by my wife as something she said to see that I was paying attention to her (Either that or she was trying to put me off my game) and as for Claire I don't think so, I was sure I heard her laughing when I closed the door.

Meh
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:38, closed)

Heh...
It's cold AND I can see your cock...

Wahey! that's gotta be good for the ego ;)

And why, everytime you put the missus as saying 'mon', I read it in a Jamaican accent?
( snee held his breath since, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:48, closed)

Which bit aren't you getting?
Do you own any binoculars? A bit of eye candy, all good. But you've got priorities correct, a small compromise watching X-factor means free to game the rest of the week. Welcome to my world. (except the fantasy inducing bit about bedding)

Who knows, maybe the vision of you in your batman shorts works for Claire?
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:51, closed)

I like this
because YOU know what to do during X Factor.

YOU get jobs done.
YOU put the rubbish out.
YOU make yourself useful.
YOU don't go on about how godawful Cheryl Cole looks.
YOU don't make rude remarks about Simon Cowell.
YOU don't mutter about how none of them can sing.
YOU don't profess to hate it but watch it just to irritate me.

No, YOU have the right idea.

Don't worry about her seeing your washing and bits it probably gave her a thrill.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 16:26, closed)

Barnsley?
I wish interesting things would happen to me in Barnsley. All my dad could suggest last week was a trip to the WMC. I'm not a man.
(HugeTonsils was being a shop bitch on, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 20:06, closed)

Well she saw your cock and didn't laugh, you're in mate!

( ..wil, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:52, closed)