Can you ride a bike?
Holy crap just realised that this happened 20 years ago back in 1990.... Anyway, back then mountain bikes were the relatively new craze and so of course Halfords jumped on the bandwagon and produced some pretty bad bikes branded "Apollo". Limited family funds meant I got one of those. Understandably it came with 2 buckled wheels (from standing in the crappy display stands the shop used). Of course all new bikes were serviced and setup by the minimum wage shop monkeys before sale, this meant that any attempt to use the very piss poor cantilever brakes sounded a note that would rival any world cup Vuvuzela!

So a couple of weeks after buying the bike Dad takes me back to the shop and they agree to check it over, he goes home and I collect the bike a few hours later. Within a few days it's back to it's musical harmony like a hippo in an orchestra and so of course when Saturday comes around we go back to Halfords. Repeat this another 2 times.

Finally Dad decides enough is enough. We go back to the shop on a busy Saturday and he asks for the manager. After much debate about the problem, in which the "mechanics" admitted the gem that to straighten a buckled wheel they "pull it straight in the vice" without adjusting the spokes, so of course as soon as ridden the wheels buckle again, Dad loudly says to the manager "Can you actually ride a bike?". A hush decends in the packed shop and the manager looks both offended and confused, but then he also only looked about 21. "Of course I can sir" he says. "Well then you ride that bike 100 yards up the high street outside and try to tell me there's nothing wrong with it!".

And so, on a busy Saturday afternoon in Watford high street a small crowd assembles outside Halfords to watch the shop manager ride my mountain bike up the high street. He gets on... starts to peddle.... the gears click crunch, attempt to derail etc but he makes it to a modest brisk walk pace... he gets about 20 metres away and applies the brakes... "Woo Waa Wail SCREEEEEECH!!!!". Everyone with earshot, and by that I mean half a mile in any direction, stops and turns to look at what sounded like a bag of cats being run over. The manager got off the bike and chose to walk it back to the shop, arriving very red faced he simply said, "I'll have it fixed by the end of the day sir". So by the end of the day my bike had 2 new wheels and for once worked properly.

EPILOGUE part 1: Monday morning came around and my Dad walks into Halfords again. "Hi, I'm here to see the manager." he says. The manager duly appears presumeably having been told that difficult bloke is back and with a sigh says "Yes sir, what seems to be the problem today?". "Nothing, you asked me to visit you. I'm from the careers office and I understand you're looking to recruit more staff?".


EPILOGUE part 2: Within 6 months my being a teenager and regular bike rider had two effects. I was quickly outgrowing my bike and it was in an appauling state as it was after all an Apollo. Luckily some chav did me a favour and nicked it so I got a nice new one on the house insurance :-)
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 14:03, 5 replies)

Halfrauds
This past week I've counted three Apollo bikes being ridden with the forks installed back to front...

...no doubt making the unrideable even less rideable in the process.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 2 Sep 2010, 14:25, closed)

Don't judge the staff though.
I've known some absolutely fantastic bike mechanics who've worked for Halfords. Some of the best I've known. problem is that when Halfords hire, they don't ask you to show them you can fix a bike, they just hope you're not lying.

These people who are good mechanics from Halfords have all worked in other bike shops or got relevant qualifications beforehand. Usually though, you get retards lying to get a job who don't know which way to hold a spanner.
(Smelch God says I'm a Pirate now. Yarr!, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 20:48, closed)

I have an apollo bike
It's a 'town and trail' bike not a mountain bike, but it's done me fine for more than a thousand miles since I got it last Christmas...
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 2:00, closed)

That's generally fine...
...if you know its limitations. If it's pub transport, or for commuting then it makes more sense to have a cheap bike which won't cause much grief if it gets nicked.

Having said that, I rode an Apollo a couple of years back along a canal towpath and the thing did it's best to kill me thanks to an undapened fork, geometry designed around a neanderthal and a gearshift more vague than a Labour Party election pledge. Spending an extra £100 on a bike with a more comfortable riding position, a rigid fork and better gears brings a whole world of improvements.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 3 Sep 2010, 14:37, closed)

Karma
My back wheel buckled today when a spoke snapped...
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 17:06, closed)