I used to be the technical support for an audio company.
Most of the time, complaints were evenly expressed, usually had a point and were distinctly ordinary. There is, however one titanic complaint that stands above all others. It was technically an email rather than a letter but I believe still encapsulates the genius we sometimes find ourselves dealing with. It arrived at 2.17am on a sunday morning and its author was obviously upset not to find me at my desk ready and willing to take his call.
Name: Bert
Email: [email protected]
Telephone: 999
Country: UK
Dealer: I Don''t know
Serial: Are you joking
Model: R50
Year of purchase: Heaven only knows* Problem: I have a pair of R50 stacks and need a pair of bass drivers.
Please tell me the cost inc. P&P and VAT.And please do not tell me that you will not supply spare parts; I am sick of seeing perfectly good equipment thrown on the scrap heap simply because the capitalist manufacturers refuse to supply spares knowing full well that this will force the person to buy all over again. Ever since that psycho thatcher got her clammy claws on power the psychopaths of capitalism have been finding ever more esoteric ways of trying to force us to part with a our cash. Even this contact is made as difficlt as possible. Why ask for the bloody serial number when you don''t put one on the gear to start with**. And there is no way that I am going to send my telephone number across the internet. Once again the psychopaths of capitalism have no regard for others. I value both my security and my privacy but you want me passing sensitive personal data across what is effectively an open communications system; and worse, the sick psychopaths of State are monitoring everything now (or at least their capitalist cronies the internet service providers are).

Bert ********

*We think about 1975
**This product was old enough to predate our use of serial numbers

Nevertheless, I located a pair of replacement drivers on ebay, guided him through his first auction and even received a grudging thanks for my troubles. I still envisage him sitting there picturing Thatcher sabotaging the quality of his driver surrounds in between shafting miners and taking milk off kids. I don't mind saying it cheers me up usually.

Length?- twenty years of hurt in his case it seems.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 15:57, 1 reply)

If only you'd replied
Fuck off Bert!
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 16:04, closed)