Try Before I Buy......
Working a 2nd jobpart time as a pizza delivery chimp for a well known franchise (similar to italian sauce on a bread base shed).

Mostly the public are friendly and gratefully receive their noms, sometimes even giving me a tip (thanks to those who do....). However sometimes I get the odd twunt who makes my shift a little more interesting.


I picked up a drop for a place last week, one of the phone girls comes over and says "oh you're taking that one, he was horrible on the phone. Said he wanted free stuff cos the food he ordered in January was cold cos the snow made the driver late". January!? he's only waited 9 months to complain then....?

Anyways I swap the bag for a piping hot one, just so I know the food cannot get cold on the way. I roll up at the door all smiles and am greeted by a sour looking man of perhaps 50/60....

"Giz the food"

I excuse myself and politely point out that I need paying first.

"Eh, giz the food I said"

Once more I instruct the gentleman that I cannot allow him to have it until funds have been issued into my cash register (pocket).

"Look son, I've had this before. Im not paying nowt till I've checked the fud is hot"

To which point I advise that the bag is fitted with a metal plate in the base, this keeps the food inside hot for up to 30 minutes. The journey to his residence only took 5 minutes.

"Nar nar, that doesnt mean the fud is hot tho does it"

I point out that heat rises from the element, permeating the boxes and food. Therefore keeping them hot until such time that boxes are removed or element cools.

"Look son, I'm not payin till I've had a taste"

The conversation has now taken on a level of nonsensicality that pushes me to challenge his position, a "pay or I'm away" if you like. Still smiling I point out that I couldnt really care either way if he pays or not, but if I go he will be the hungry party.

As the door closes I give a cheery goodbye and head back to base. An hour later we're tucking into his still hot pizza, while he is probably beating his family because they've lost the leaflet for Papa Daves/Nobinos*

Small victories for small people? very much so, but in the end I still got 80p for the "drop" and 2 slices of a deep pan pepperoni.


This man in his complaints "Did It Wrong".... he should have got a custom made pizza from his local supermarket for a fraction of the cost, guaranteed hot from your oven (results may vary).



*names changed :-)
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:00, 2 replies)

So true
pizzas and takeaways're dirt cheap from supermarkets.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:15, closed)

you sound like...
.. a nice kind of chap: a guy wanted to make sure the pizza he ordered was hot because he got a cold one last time he ordered. You wouldn't let him and then when faced with the ultimatum you gave him he said "fuck off then"

You're still happy though as you got 80p out of it. Living the dream my man, living the dream!
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 16:37, closed)