Short measure
I had a mate who was one of those types who give real ale/CAMRA a bad name. Indeed, the Real Ale Twats in Viz could well have been based in this guy. One of his obsessions (shared with some of his fellow ale-quaffers) was short measure in pubs.

Now please don't get me wrong. I enjoy a drop of real ale when I'm in England and I don't like being ripped off any more than the next bloke. On the other hand, I see little point in complaining that the head on my beer is 0.009 mm too thick, especially as I'll probably spill more than that on the way to my seat. In my experience, a barman/barmaid will often top up a pint that settles short without needing to be asked, and if they don't, a polite request usually does the trick. Perhaps the latter isn't a good idea in pubs that rate five fists and a knuckleduster (for exceptional brutality) in the Good Fight Guide, but who wants to go to places like that anyway?

Back to my mate. He'd pursue the short measure issue with a zeal which is not healthy or normal in a human being. As the hapless barman/maid poured his pint, I could feel the intensity of his gaze on the glass, watching the beer level as it rose. I became convinced he actually wanted the pint to be short, so he could deliver his killer lines:

"Could you put a whisky in there?"

and, on being told, "Yes, certainly" he'd go for the jugular:

"Well top it up with beer then!"

Boom! Boom! Cue guts all over the walls as sides split. Well, I admit it was quite funny the first time, but after I'd heard it for the 100th I would feel the urge to kill him, myself, and out of kindness any poor sod who happened to be within earshot.

I haven't seen him for a long time. For some reason, that doesn't bother me too much.
(eesnahk, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 16:17, 3 replies)

Beer with no head just looks (and usually is) nasty and flat.
I've never been anywhere else in the world where people are so anal about filling glasses up to the brim.
( Zuowan, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 17:18, closed)

In a country
full of alcoholics?
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 17:28, closed)

or the one when the customer's ordered loads of drinks and the barkeep says 'would you like a tray?'

to which the customer replies 'don't you think I've got enough to carry?'
(Kip, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 17:39, closed)