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With the Pope about to visit the UK, what better time to unburden yourself of anything that's weighing on your mind by posting it on the internet? Pay particular attention to the Seven Deadly Sins of lust, greed, envy, pride, posting puns on the QOTW board and the other ones. Top story gets to kneel before His Holiness's noodly appendage, or something

(, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:47)
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Forgive me mother
My mum was and still is an avid gardener. During my teenagers years I would regularly volunteer to light the heater in her greenhouse. (for the unitiated this is basically an adjustable wick in a pan of paraffin). I did however have an ulterior motive... it meant I could have a cheeky cigarette whilst I did it.

All was going reasonably well as I tugged away on an Embassy No 1 that I'd "borrowed" from my dad. In hindsight I probably should have been paying a little more attention. Leaning down to stub out the cigarette I noticed the unusual orange hue at the far end of the greenhouse. Whilst puffing away and contemplating how dirty Jessica Browne must be in bed I hadn't realised that I had put a little too much paraffin in the heater. By now the entire heater (not just the wick) and the staging (its a posh word for wooden shelves in a greenhouse apparently) were now totally engulfed in flames.

It my panic, I grabbed the large and handily placed jug of water sat on the floor. Deciding the fire was getting out of hand I threw the contents at the inferno that used to be her tomatoes...

and it would have worked perfectly....

had it been water in the jug and not 2 litres of Paraffin.

Surprised doesn't do it justice... I stood there open mouthed, gawping as the cucumbers disappeared into the blaze. Thinking quickly I ran down the garden and grabbed the hose. Eventually I managed to put out Hades greenhouse. Before returning indoors and pretending nothing had happened. So some 15 years later...

Mum, im afraid the paraffin heater didn't raze your greenhouse. I did, so sorry!
(, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:28, 1 reply)
click for
Hades Greenhouse.
made I larf it did.
(, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:35, closed)

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