Self harming....
Recently I came up with an idea for a small business and drew up the rather detailed plans for how I would go about establishing and growing it. I made my appointment with an advisor at Barclays to request a business loan and showed him my plans. He was impressed and soon the funds to start my venture were released to me.

Once the money was in my account... I had a better idea - I would not, after all, start my own business. Boring. I would shoot a documentary about the post-apartheid experiences of black South Africans. This was a magnificent idea I thought...but wheres the twist??.... It needed a twist.

Then it came to me - the title! If I were to give the film a title that didnt give anything about the subject matter away, people would be like "woah.. didnt see that coming". That's what they'd be 'like'.

So I came up with the enigmatic name of "Sex Pervs" and began my journey to South Africa. I shot some incredible footage - for instance one woman's account of how since the end of apartheid she is now allowed to fart on public transport! As loud as she wants! - this was gold. The emotional heart of my film. I sensitively zoomed in on her face all slow like, as she regaled me with the first time she bought a dayrider and let rip a massive guff. Tears poured down her face as she broke down telling me how she followed through once on the top deck.

The rest of the film was equally powerful stuff and I was truly excited to get home and edit it and start trying to sell it to television companies.

Nobody was interested?? They kept criticising the name? "oooh Sex Pervs? What's that got to do with an evil racist divisive regime?" ... TV Execs are so blinkered.
They asked me to be more flexible with the title. They suggested "Life After Apartheid". I shook my head and offered to compromise with "Sex Pervs 2"....
In the end we got nowhere and I just left and went home. Now I have to pay back a massive loan and I'm rather concerned about it. Hence the self-harming.....

I went up to my bedroom and gave myself quite a bad chinese burn. Ouch. It made me feel a little better. Self harming is great for that, it's a real good laugh to be honest. Once a man in the street called me a berk and I got upset. I felt worthless and empty inside so I went home and stuck some sellotape to my arm hairs and ripped it off. Ahhhh... all better.

Self harming - good clean fun.
(Andrew Avetoom, Mon 30 Aug 2010, 11:35, 7 replies)

Any ideas?
Nope, me neither.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 30 Aug 2010, 15:00, closed)

It's 'wacky'
And quite possibly 'zany'

Both of those are, of course, merely euphemisms for 'tedious'
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Mon 30 Aug 2010, 15:24, closed)

Ah, that's ok then.
I thought I was missing something dreadfully funny.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 30 Aug 2010, 15:29, closed)

Not on par
With your previous works. But I have no room to talk.

It was still entertaining.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 4:08, closed)

......
no thats cool, all comments are valid.
(Andrew Avetoom, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 11:05, closed)

306 'Hail Mary's

(ThePope, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 11:17, closed)

The new mid range family townabout from Peugeot.

(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Tue 31 Aug 2010, 15:57, closed)