Garden Escargo....
back in the 80's like any lad back then I enjoyed playing outdoors and getting up to mischief.

I remember one year the bin men were getting increasingly petty about what they would and wouldn't collect as rubbish and for reasons unknown (since we now have a wheelie bin dedicated for it) they refused to take away garden refuse like grass cuttings and trimmed branches. The shocking price of 4 star petrol now being over 40 pence a litre Dad was reluctant to drive to the tip with the rubbish. This led to him buying a garden incinerator!

To those not familiar with one, it's basically a metal dustbin with short legs, some holes in the sides near the bottom to let in air and a lid with a chimney on it, so you could have hot bonfire action in a small confined space, possibly a bit safely.

After a few weeks of enjoying the magic of watching dad burn everything he could in this thing I began to experiment when his back was turned. In went the occasional old toy, one of mums flowers etc.

The critical lesson I learnt was that the metal lid of this thing was seriously hot. Think griddle pan on high heat, sears anything that touches it hot.... the garden was also full of snails.

I'm sure you've seen for yourself that if you pick up a snail it quickly withdraws into it's shell, but is keen to get itself back onto something so will "grip" the first thing it touches.... this includes the 200 degree hot lid of an incinerator.

That's right, for one summer I continually sought out snails happily sunbathing on fences, plants etc and "stuck" them onto the searing hot lid of an incinerator to watch them bubble, boil and fry themselves to a gooey death.

Sorry. Though it did put me right off the idea of eating French cuisine.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:13, 2 replies)

Made me lol, sorry snales
My brother used to capture big fat hairy spiders in a jam jar from the garden shed, let them go on the lawn and chase them around with a sledgehammer like something out of a Nintendo video game.

Funniest thing I ever saw. Seriously.
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:49, closed)

That
made me snort at work. The thought of his face, masked with the intense concentration that only children can possibly lavish onto smashing the blue fuck out of arachnids with a ludricrously oversized implement- YES.
(Gertcha_cowson NAH MATE, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 12:06, closed)