Cable
[Wavy lines, back to a time before human memory, when Cabletel still existed...]

Part 1: Cabletel guy on doorstep - "Can we put a cabinet abutting your land? If you say yes, we'll connect you for free and give you 6 months at half price." "No skin off my nose, knock yourself out." "Here's a letter confirming all of that." "Thanks." [Drilling commences immediately, shiny green cabinet installed.]

[Many moons wax and wane. Crickets chirp. Tumbleweed tumbles. Birds crap on shiny cabinet.]

Part 2: Leaflet: "Cabletel have been taken over by Virgin. Ring this number to get broadband now!" [Rings] "Hello Virgin, can I sign up?" "No, your address isn't in a covered area." "But I'm right next to a cabinet." "Not covered, computer says no, you'll have to write. Bye."

Part 3: "Dear Virgin, here's a copy of my letter from Cabletel, please connect me." "Dear Mr. Systems, [Paraphrased] That was then, this is now. Fuck off."

Part 4: "Dear Virgin, since you don't seem to have inherited any obligations from Cabletel, neither have I. I hereby revoke my permission. Please remove your cabinet." [Rings] "Oh. How about we connect you next Tuesday?" "Thanks very much. That wasn't difficult, was it?"
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 13:07, 6 replies)

...and how about a year's free?

( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 24 Feb 2012, 13:26, closed)

Or how about...
Shift your fucking box, shitcunts?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 24 Feb 2012, 14:24, closed)

I admit that does have a degree
more linguistic poetry about it.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 24 Feb 2012, 15:27, closed)

In a case like this it's VERY IMPORTANT
to cut of your nose to spite your face.
VERY IMPORTANT INDEED!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 24 Feb 2012, 22:41, closed)

I would have loved to, but...
[* = crackle]

... at t** t*me my B***ish T*le**m ph**e l**e soun**d a b*t l*k* th** so it w** **possib** to g** an* di**-up b**dwid** at all. It w**ld of*** take 40 a**empts to co**ect and t**n I w*uld on*y get 3kbps if * was lucky. Y*s, kbps.

And, over that kind of connection, they had the cheek to say there was nothing wrong and it would cost me £120 to get an engineer out to look at it. So in this case Virgin was the lesser of two evils.

(Actually, it's been pretty good recently. But they're about to upgrade everything so I'm bracing myself.)
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Mon 27 Feb 2012, 10:29, closed)

Well played!

( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 22:11, closed)