Corruption by coffee
Well, I was walking down the road the other day, and this wierd looking ginger haired cunt approaches me. He trys to look into my eyes, and as you do, being a driver of a Austin Allegro (Not just any old Austin Allegro, mind, this is M&S branded Austin Allegro with BROWN Velour Seats) and having taken MASSIVE DRUGS (Marks and Spencer 1 a day Vitamins), I try to avert the gaze that only a dog fingerer can give.

"Well howdy!" says the cunt, when all of a sudden his eyes just suddenly flicker... they turn.. THEY CHANGE I FUCKING TELL YOU!

THE EYES! THE EYES! Right inside, a orange colour and the circles insides... they rotate and change and rotate and then the middle is like an EVIL MAN ABOUT TO DO A GOATSE.....

So, I said, like, I'm a proper man who has a three million litre soap dish made of the salt of an Australian man's tears. Just bear in mind it is filled with the juices of all the babez love honey from across the world, so fuck you, ok?

OK, then my reply to this ginger fuhrer was, like, if you want my eyes, you can have my dog. But my dog doesn't like being fingered, so that was that.

But, he then zaps my eyes with this wierd ray that corrupts my brain and makes me sign up for a direct debit for some coffee that tastes like my own personal shit, and when you mix it with semi skimmed milk, the Austin Allegro refuses to start. Cuntfuckery going on here, I tell you.

Anyhoo, TL;DR - Ginger cunt corrupts my brain, and my Austin Allegro won't start.
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 23:16, 4 replies)

Are you assuming your dog doesn't like being fingered?
OR DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE?
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Wed 9 Jul 2014, 0:27, closed)

I know for sure because YOUR MUM TOLD ME.
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Wed 9 Jul 2014, 1:10, closed)

This is more like it
Needs more roundhouse kicks.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Wed 9 Jul 2014, 15:45, closed)

Needs more neck burning.
Plus more samurai swords.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 9 Jul 2014, 17:39, closed)