Getting a Marshmallow into a Piggybank.
She was 46. I was 21. She had Bowie-esque angled features and a body not ruined by giving birth to her son, my friend, who we shall call Abel.

Outside a kebab shop at Canon Circus, Nottingham, she recognized me from Rock City, as I had spent the night getting hideously drunk with her son. We chatted, and, as is customary in town at 2.30 am early sunday, swiftly got down to tongue-exchange, much to the joy of horn-blowing passing taxis. 'Come with me' she purred,and gestured down Ilkeston Road, where she resided, 'spend the night'. I considered this proposition, weighed it against the fresh, satisfying prospect of eating the kebab I had just purschased...the kebab was binned. I was careful to inform her of this sacrifice. 'Thats romantic', she said demurely, and seemingly without irony.

A night of passion ensued, for about thirty minutes, whereabouts the booze took hold and I passed out, still in the process of a second run, a process akin to stuffing a marshmallow in a piggy-bank. In the morning, I hastily dressed and left, happy that her teeth were still in her mouth, not swimming in a bed-side jar.

For fear of Abel's revenge, I kept away from him and avoided Rock City for several weeks, until in a fit of Thunderbird Red-inspired courage, I ventured in. Instantly, I saw Abel, he saw me, and a game of cat and mouse ensued, ducking through the crowds, down corridors and stairwells to avoid the chunky thug. Then, just as I thought I was safe, he cornered me by the Gents, pushed me against the wall, pulled his head back ready to butt...then kissed me full on the lips and said, in an infantile voice...'Daddy'.
(trumplefahrt, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 0:25, 9 replies)

Nice One
Possibly the winner...

*click*
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 0:32, closed)

Yays
Sir, I give thee Yays.
(magentacock is spunking like it's nineteen ninety-nine..., Tue 9 Dec 2008, 0:37, closed)

Ace!
I like it a lot
(Jugular, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 8:29, closed)

Thats funny
I like your style!
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 10:35, closed)

One for the win!
*clicks and clicks again to make sure*
(cheez is feeling ergophobic, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 14:30, closed)

Click
For your mate who has a very forgiving nature and a wicked sense of humour. Also he's very brave for kissing a lad on the lips in Nottingham.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 14:58, closed)

fantastic
have a click
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 17:50, closed)

bang on old chap
have a bloody click
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 19:17, closed)

*bonus clicks*
for "stuffing a marshnallow into a piggy bank" - beautiful imagery!
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 19:21, closed)