Victoria - think it was the Arden
O sweet Jesus.
It was mid July in the hottest summer this country has ever known. And Siouxfan was off to London to see her beloved Sioux at Shep Bush.
I figures it didnt really matter where I stayed as long as it was cheap and safe. So I cranked up the demon machine to find a cheap hotel room in London. Well after about 2 hours I found one that looked OK but like I say I thought I will be in it for so little time it matters not. How wrong can you be.
After a wicked night, hailed a 'taxi' outside Shep Bush Empire. If this was a proper taxi, I am Darth Vader. The lining of the roof of the car was coming away and I drove to the hotel under what I can only describe as a Jewish wedding canopy, as it was so low I had to duck.
When I got to the hotel and woke up the guy on the security desk I was taken to my room...
I had noticed the hotel was pretty hot, but it was a very hot night so no wonder really. However when he opened the door to my room, the heat hit me like a breeze block nailed to a cricket bat. It was like an effing furnace. Nervously I turned to him and said, "erm its very hot in here.." He smiled, not knowing what I had said saying, "Good yes good yes". I told him using a mixture of mime and sad faces that the room was too hot, he went off and came back moments later explaining once the water was hot the heating would go off.....all the radiators were on and on full. It being very late I decided this would have to do, so thought open the windows and have a shower then lie naked near the window, that should do it... yeah? Yeah right.
No cold control on the shower, so nice hot shower. Open the window to....a wall, three of them in fact, about 2 feet from my 'window'. Basically a priest hole.
Breakfast.
It was like a scene from Mind Your Language when I walked into the 'Dining Room'..everyone stopped and stared at me. I thought this would stop after a few moments but it didnt. It went on right through me, fiddling with the toaster, through me trying to open a milk carton, through me trying to move my chair which appeared to nailed down, right through me scorching my mouth on the tea which presumably was made using some of the hot water from the previous night.
Went passed reception to check out. Guy was asleep again, sadly I had prepaid.

The packed commuter train home to Brum never looked so inviting, nor did the shoulder of the poor guy I sat next to. I think he was a designer of some kind and seem to recall him being called Simon, if you are reading this Simon, I am really sorry and I hope I didnt dribble on your nice jacket.
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Tue 22 Jan 2008, 13:01, Reply)