Man - On - Man - Love

My girlfriend, Liz, and I live in a flat in Tufnell Park. When we went to view the place the letting agent described it as 'a cozy flat in an historic building'. Which in the real world translates as: 'fucking tiny in a rodent infested shit tip'. But Liz liked the place, we moved in, sorted out the mice problem, decorated, and everything was going swimmingly...

My mum and dad came to visit, lent me a shitload of dvd's to while away the long winter evenings, what with cash being tight at the moment staying in was the only real option. Gotta love all the old black and white classics that my old man is particularly into; Casablanca, Maltese Falcon, etc. Where men were men, women were women, and people could act.

Life was good.

A few weeks later Liz asks me if it would be ok if her mate Chris moved in for a bit - he'd just lost his job as a result of this credit-crunch-lets-stop-pissing-about-and-call-it-a-recession craze thats sweeping the nation.

I replied: 'What, you mean Gay Chris?'

And I must stress, I'm not in the least bit homophobic. Its just that, well, Gay Chris is the most GAY fella in the world ever. Nice bloke, looks like the blonde fella out of Trainspotting.

'Sure,' I say. 'He can have the couch for a few weeks.'

And Chris moves in.

And he brings his collection of gay porn with him.

My god, that stuff is GREAT!!!

I recommend every heterosexual man has a browse through some good quality gay porn. As Chris told me: 'The average straight man doesn't have a fucking clue how much pleasure their missing out on by not fiddling about with their arsehole.' Ok, Shakespeare he's not, but he does have a valid point.

Anyway, after a few weeks of exploring the world of man on man love with Chris (on the telly, not in the bed, I don't think Liz would've been too keen on that), Chris finally finds a new place and moves on...

My parents, on a flying visit down to see my sister, stop by and I give them back their flicks. My dad explains he's going to lend them to my sister. She's a teacher who does some media bollocks shit and she wants to show some of the classics in her 'lessons'. I say I've been having trouble getting hold of my sis, and my dad explains her mobile is fucked (not exactly in those words), and that she's getting a new one this weekend.

'There you go, Dad,' says I. I hand over the stack of dvd's and wave the good folks off.

Ahh, all is good with the world.

Then, a few days later Gay Chris calls my mobile: 'Spanky, I wanted to watch Anal Riders last night but there's the wrong disk in the box, I've got your Casablanca disk in there instead. They must've got mixed up. Can I come round and swap um back?'

'Sure, Chris, come round anytime...'

I hang up the phone...

It took me a good ten seconds before the rusty cogs in my brain started turning and the feeling of dread took hold...

This conversation with Chris happened yesterday. It really has been on my mind all last night and today...

So, if you happen to live in East Sussex and see a billboard poster with something like:

TEACHER HELD FOR GAY PORN SHOWN IN CLASS SHOCKER!!!

Or something like that, then could you please let me know???
( SpankyHanky, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 14:29, 6 replies)

Unless they were pirate DVD's
Your sister would have to be monumentally stupid to not realise the mix up as soon as she opened the box.
( M o D, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 14:40, closed)

Ha
I live in East Sussex, and that headline would certainly make a change from the dreary shit that normally makes The County Times.

EDIT: Wait, I live in West Sussex. God I'm a thick twat sometimes.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 14:51, closed)

Ahhh...
A genuinely laugh out loud moment... thankyou :)
( laminasni isn't., Thu 22 Jan 2009, 19:59, closed)

Local Papers
Not as shit as the stuff that the rags on the coast of West Sussex turn out.
( notmyrealname, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 14:08, closed)

Proof....
....if proof were needed, that the credit crunch wil fuck us all in it's own special way!

Great story, hope the outcome is...we'll, hope it doesn't need a billboard!
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 22 Jan 2009, 16:10, closed)

Marvellous
I'm sorry, that's fantastic, have a click.

Also, gay porn is BRILLIANT. Yes.
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 4:05, closed)