Finally, a decent QOTW...
For some reason, I attract embarrassment like honey attracts bees. The following stories are all genuinely true:



1. The first time I got properly drunk. It was at an Indian resteraunt for someone's birthday meal. Everyone except me was sober. I ended the evening passed out in my curry. Why was I face first in my curry? Because I had accepted a 20p bet that I wouldn't eat it without using cutlery. Or my hands. I may even put up the video...

2. The second time I got properly drunk. It was a party at a big house in the country, but they only had one bathroom. I passed out in it for three hours next morning. I thought the host was going to kill me when I finally got out.

3. Age 7. My birthday. One of the dinner ladies makes me a special cake with mazipan icing. "I don't like that sort of thing" quoth I. That moment still haunts me, 11 years later.

4. Night-time power kiting festival. I launch myself into a sizable jump, not realising there are children playing some 30ft to my right. I realise this, but not quite in time to prevent myself delivering a perfect two-footed flying kick to the side of a three year old girl's head.

With her dad watching.

5. Club in Edinburgh about 5 weeks ago. I'd been on the double vodkas all night, and I was very, very drunk. I also reallllllllly needed a piss.

I was on Princes street. There are no public toilets on Princes street. There is, however, a war memorial. I think you see where this is going.

6. Walking to Tesco one lunchtime with some friends, including a guy called Max. Max was moaning about the fact he never had any money, despite the fact that we knew his granddad was a millionaire. Max asked us to stop going on about his granddad, saying that he "Was going through a tough patch at the moment". "Oh really?" Said I. "What happened? Did his pockets break from the strain?". "Um... No. He's got cancer, actually."

Ouch.

7. The other week, in the campus nightclub, after far too many beers. Talking to a very attractive young women (which is unusual in itself for me). However, it was so loud that I couldn't really hear her. What my brain said was "It's very loud in here, could we nip outside for a moment where we might have a chance of hearing each other?".

What my drunken mouth slurred out (probably complete with a certain amount of drool) was "Do you wanna come for a walk wi' me?". Cue look of disgust.



I'm sure there will be more as and when I remember them...
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 21:57, 7 replies)

I knew I recognised this!
I suggested this QOTW months and months back, and you responded to my suggestion!

It's all an old boy's club at B3ta towers, I tell you.

[urm, no offence to the old boys.]
(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 0:03, closed)

Heh! It _is_ you!
I did wonder, having seen the username before...
(MattPlanet, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 1:06, closed)

If you meant me
Then I'm worried. Care to give me a hint who this is?

Actually, I'm not worried. If you know me, then you know there's more than this out there.
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 1:47, closed)

AHA!
For I have now found you.
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 2:44, closed)

I want
to see the curry video.
(knackerz is skinning up, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 4:02, closed)

A tip
a common theme seems to be alcohol; maybe, yknow, try and not get pissed so you stop making an arse of yourself?
(kitescreech still here, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 8:06, closed)

You're right there
Which is one reason I stopped drinking more than a month ago (just after the war memorial incident).
( MatJ LOOK, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 18:19, closed)