epic fail redefined
a long while ago when i was a much more volatile loaf, i was dating a girl whose favourite thing in the world was winding me up.
i was walking beside her on a road, in the middle of a blazing row, pushing my bike.. finally, i'd had enough. i shouted something final-sounding like 'yeah? well you can fuck right off, i'm gone' leapt onto my trusty steed, and tore off into the middle distance in a cloud of dust.

ok.
what ACTUALLY happened.

i leapt onto my bike, span the pedals, gave it a little TOO much welly, span the rear wheel, came off the pedals, my testicles described a perfact arc onto my stem, which i rode triumphantly like some kind of hellish mechanical bull, across the grassy bit, into and across a gravel driveway, and straight into a filthy, stinking, stagnant pond in some old person's front garden, where i lay, incredulously clutching my hairy sack of magic and wondering which of the many deities i've offended over the years decided to smite me in such an underhanded manner.
all to the soundtrack of my girl laughing like a hyena on nitrous oxide.
the worst bit was i managed to render the bike unrideable, and had to walk home, dejected, smelling like a tramp's gusset, and covered in green, stinking slime.
massive, biblical fail.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 5:54, 9 replies)

Hahahahahahaha
you silly bastard.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 6:39, closed)

i know
i felt like a massive tit.
i bet i looked like one too.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 6:47, closed)

Was this Red?
Dude I wish I was there so that I could never let you live it down. Be thankful there aren't any photographs or I would post them.

Points and goes hahahahahahahahaha!
( Peej, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 9:22, closed)

Was it Me?
No dear boy.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 11:30, closed)

not red
the REAL crazy one who shall remain nameless.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 17:52, closed)

Sheer
quality
( I_Was_Mordred, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 10:07, closed)

That..
is epic!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 11:23, closed)

*click*...
...for "hairy sack of magic".
( .Yeti., Fri 28 Nov 2008, 12:22, closed)

Clicked
for all the times I've similarly tried to have the last word on my terms and then hit a wall, stepped on a squeaky toy, torn my pants, etc
(Ejaculantern was caught desecrating pumpkins on, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 9:43, closed)