Swearing on National TV?
Fuck Yeah!

So picture the scene, its June 1993 and an 18 year old Heavy Metal Halfy is at the Milton Keynes Bowl to see Metallica, clad in his finest demin patched jacket, roooooooooooock tshirt, jeans and DMs oh yeah! however I had been drinking since before we arrived at lunchtime and im feeling happily squiffy.

There is a gig, we rock out, the only thing I can really remember is copping off with some girl from Didcot and my balls aching enormously on the walk back to the car.

Fast forward a number of years, 2002-3? and I am no longer dressed in Heavy Metal gear. With a zero haircut, heavy bags under the eyes and a stressed out pallid complexion I can now best be described as looking like an Eastern European football hooligan / heroin addict.

slouched in the lounge I spy a music programme on BBC2, oh wow it heavily features the Metallica gig i went to, this was back in the days when metal wasn't maintstream and rarely appeared on TV before midnight.

So there I am chilling out and reminiscing on the good old days when on screen a thin, spotty, greasy, lank haired little lickspittle is shambling towards a tv camera.

"Oh dear god no, thats me!" I exclaim, and start to slide down the sofa, watching the tv through my fingers as the realisation dawns on me on what happens next and memories crash into my brain

On screen this horrible pizzle of a thing lurches up to the camera, presents a twin V salute and in fluent Neanderthal shouts "murggghhhh fffffuuuuuurrrrrrrkkk offf!!" and then staggers off stage left.

I am now behind the sofa rocking backwards and forwards chanting "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck" I reach towards my phone to turn it off and its like an explosion! I am bombarded with texts and calls on how lanky greasy spot spot younger me has just abused the nation and shamed himself into an awful stereotype.

I was red for about a month, and roundly heckled and greeted with twin V's by all of my friends for years, sigh.

so that Ladies and Gentlemen is how I can claim and shame myself to admit I have sworm on national Telly, wooo!


Im not even going to start on the appearance on Win, Lose or Draw with Big Bob Mills and Kris "Yak Yak Yak" Akabusi
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 14:02, 3 replies)

I think that's ace.
Click.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 14:53, closed)

That...
Is funny as fuck :)

Have a click
( snee held his breath since, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 11:57, closed)

"Im not even going to start on the appearance on Win, Lose or Draw with Big Bob Mills and Kris "Yak Yak Yak" Akabusi"
Oh go on!!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:44, closed)